CaveBear
Cavebear or corporate boss
flight or fight & all is lost
in an ancient reaction
to thenwhen's abstraction
with memory serving
at dire cost.
Memory ImperativesQuiz
Memory beingmy enemy 1. Don'tchange a winningame.
a clinging parasitictroll Shortenup in a slump.
sucking lifeofnow for then KISS.*
burying self'sdreams
in desire's debrishole 2. Desiring. 3. Train.
Defending. Train.
of halfdigested experience Suffering. Train.
flushed from swillfilled head
where whatwasthen is nevernow 4. Father. 5. Eat (maintenance).
where whatwasliving isnow twicedead Son. Don'tBeEaten (safety).
dead whenfelt through sunkensenses HolySpirit. Reproduce (shag).
swimminginpast's skullofchyme
deadwhenknown in regurgitation ---OrderTheAbove---
bits&pieces sloughed throughtime.
............................... (*KeepItSimple Stupid.)
Resisting foulfat of carrion
lettingrefuse lie remainingslender.
Being onewith each eternalnow Witless
unneedingtofeed orto remember. Livingforthem livingasthem
fromthen tothosetocome willbear
Purgingpastlife within thismy falsewitless tothe most&least
livinglife while lettingo. ofall whocamebefore
Beingall ineach presentmoment &willcome tomyfeast
surrenderingself unneedingtoknow. when I become immortal.
MonumentValley
Sloughingoff each layerofself Withgrowthbecoming becomingless muchtoothick tofeel other'sneeds
as slowly as shale erodingtosand with strengthbecoming strength to yield muchtootough tobe butalone
with sand slippingthrough my hourglass howthen doesmyprimeval magmacappedheart defyingcommands neverto atone
fallingthrough all my dreaming&drifting rememberonly myburningbirth standingdrenched inall thatis
gravitybound tomy leastselfish shifting. &brutalhardening duringmycooling? sacredtomany sciencetosome
inexorabletoall
Windshearing raintearing heatsearing Resist stubbornbastard butme butme.
yet I remainingstrong becomingsmooth mule toface of selfishway
becomingmonument in valleyofdeath bound to everlasinglife Sadsadbeing of tense&hold
as shallowasdesiring ofmy youth in my everlustingpride against allflow of transform'sgo
as fragile ascourage ofmyconvictions tooproud hybrid of earthas I can I everbe earth'scradlingsea
standingstill againstallother fleshless &unfeeling both &sand of perfectformlessness?
separate inwords toopainful tosay freak of forbidden venaloath
inmylong slowdays product of earth'sfornication Can I intraining my willfullbeing
of death&decay. of fire time &relentlessforce ever ever letgo?
extrudingcrystalline indelicacy
of unyieldingdensity
LeastTaken Learning
Only I canchoose Learning aslove as lesseparation.
therefore whenchoosing path lesstaken
I willalwaysbe sorelymistaken Less self as lesself as immolation
mypath becoming moreofme of memory as sacrosanct me
&less ofmy lesself &nevereverfree. becomingbelief's refugee.
Lettingpathchoose asif transform couldcare Unguided
where causeffect permits myself to expect If I hadn'tmemorized yesterday
thisthatoutcome when thosecircumstances obtain whatwould I bedoing today?
asif nopath bepossible tomy sapienbrain.
When unguided bestobe welltrained.
Fatchance for freedom inour ladenworld When untrained praying for mercifulguidance.
weighted with duty
gated by will Manicures
inflated by memory'sfire Whitening toothpaste &manicures
sated by passion'sdesire. disguising twentythousandyears.
Circumstances circling as buzzards Usingthumb grippingdrum
unknowing myflesh will cookonthatpyre. stick of chick whosebeak was clipped
so I canchew itsflesh with impunity.
Paths disappearing without myself fearing
I willbelost as allislost Flooding
in memory'scollapse in each gluttedsynapse Hurricaneshearing with brutalforce
of overexcited desire. yet flooding causing lastingremorse.
......................
Wanderwithoutchoice Soitis with brutal selfdefense
hearingonly transform'svoice. memoriesflooding with pastfuture tense.
Earthfirewaterair.
Wash TwoWords Tourist
Wash&back Twowords definingme Self spiritourist
wave&back self&separation. buying infoguide postcards
washingwavingback. Twowords undermingme teeshirts trinkets baubles.
desire&defense.
Two incipientsapiens learningtobreathe Touring with group
with wash&back Twowords resigningme to carefullychosen locales.
with wave&back dream&memory.
washingwavingback. Twowords refiningme Never wanderingalone
sanctify&sanitize. challengingpropriety.
Sun&moon in tidal indifference
teachingearth to breathe Twowords consigningme Then backtobus&hotel
with wash&back to mostcertain suffering justintime for more pretense.
with wave&back why me?
washingwavingback. Moss
Twowords remindingme Moss unrooted soft delicate.
Somethingnothing gained&lost this&now. Lily blatantlybasking.
with ocean'sinsistent lift&toss Twowords entwingingme
wash&back insomniac lesself as love. Moss transforming rocktosoil.
ceaseless to unending fro .................. Lily enticing flocktosoul.
wave&back maniac (Twowords threateningDemocracy
alwaysblue unendingflow anonymity&unaccountability.) Seekinghope in floweringdesire
asif lifedeath incessantbreath fledglings of faith foreverfollow
asif lifedeath incessantbreath. Fillet flightlesspenitents totheir
If eachnow untrained promisedwallow
Asif a choice a fear a tear beingtime'sfillet withmoss in humility
in&exhalations both mymemorybeing eschewingall liturgy.
&both athand steaknife
with sun heatingsand mydesirebeing DiminishedBeing
tillfeet can'tstand stockstill eternalife. Is father hisownyouth's diminishedbeing
provoking dervish whitecapdance perhapsbecause his depthofdream
toeach beatingwave's rhythmictrance. Then eachnow trained is nomorethan sheen on blacktop
beingtime'sdecay of rural twolaneroad?
You becomingme eachas eachall. memoryfailing
You&me relearningtocrawl desirexhaling Atbest each illdefined natalscheme
in obesiance to each breathfulcall. lesselflost in transform. mightyet becomenoonlight warming earth
asif springhadsprung from summer
Infant'sagain in surging wash&back. &aging hadcaused birth.
Infant'sagain as sea's amnesiac.
Unmoved Disappointment KinderTime
UnmovedbyMarch Desire callingout to Hope I comefrom a kinder&gentlertime
be equallyunmoved by May "Keepup your goodwork. whenselfishness was politely
orany sunrise We don'twant self tobe passiveaggressive.
orany sunset disappointed witheach
orany moonphase thisnow." Nowfaced withneed for a largerlung
&yet ..... both desire&defense beingsung
notice sol's blinkingwinking game GivingUp at decibels beyondmykeen.
of darklight of differentsame Faith callingout to Hope ##########
inits daynight inits moonsight "Keepup your goodwork. Bitingmyburger.
&eachserving of season. We don'twant self givingup Bottombunsagging slackjawed.
on futureperfect." Burgerbitingback.
**S&M ** **Peach ** **PitcherPlant **
Howexplain rashonback Peach within carrot Androgenous ant
whenit wascausedby spousalattack? what a strangecombo. delivering tofrom plant.
Its debauchery merely genetic rant.
An allergic reaction to flagellation Perhaps soft&crunchy
duringconsensual exhilaration complementing eachother. InsectaLothario as casuistcatalyst
as partof biweekly till finaldissolution within
S&M titillation. Peace within chaos. lifedeath's sweetbreast.
OK. Nevemind.
AllBeing Vacation
Borntotrinity as revelation Let's vacationfrom the overwordedhypothesis
beingtaught faithope as preservation. that self&sane are holy&sacred
Supernatural intoxication &from the equally overworkedwish
insuring self's immortalcreation. that selfishness willwither by faithalone.
Brought to reason for verification Let'swork toconvert all saviors&lords
meaningpupose needingexplanation into midwives birthingnow sans umbilicalcords
of quasinatural isolation while disconnecting allclocks disregarding eachnumber
ephemeralife of desperation. &beginningeachmorning in embryonicslumber.
Years of training to lesseparation Let's trainaway steaming trainsofthought
releasingself from allexpectation. with passengerspassingby what theysought
Eternal thisnow in meditation. lostinmisty hopesofwhen
Transform being interpenetration. fauxfound in memory again&again.
Enduringnothing nothing beingthis. Disconnectspeakers blaringself's selfishgrammar
Unknowingall with allbeing love'skiss. praisinghalfgods &demagogues with stutter&stammer.
Love'sNoGame Embrace unspokenlove from lesself'swomb
(Thanks E.Dickinson.) while sittingquietlyweaving at transform'sloom.
Love'snogame of imagery
let passion's speak of injury WordBlades
pokingholes in thinbowedboat Wordblades
without truefaith to keepafloat. in vegomatic dicerslicer of self
shredding my cabbagepatch head
Love'snogame of imagery into grammaticalcoleslaw
of passionsfilled so instantly of independentideas.
with desireflagging in dreamfulsate
with reality becoming as secondrate. Thinknot toblend but merelymix
mayonaisecabbage&carrotbits
Then faithlessfades my mirroredme creating slipperyslope of firstlightdew
whose unreflectedlove was thee allowingself toskate linguisticfigureight
till sunrisebright &need tobe on fullsized summergrassblades
tore beautydown for alltosee. tryingtomakesense as eachsense fades
when slicedclean from what I oncethought was fate.
Seeingonly what I sought
beingonly what I thought Endingup eatingsalad of secondthoughts
I thought thatlove was in a face with gardenscallions growingwild
or in mysimple childhood'sfaith. within elementalbeing.
But love'snogame of imagery Pizza
&can'tbegin to setmefree Sure I want tobeloved
till I amfree of self'scoldeye but I alsowant thatlast
blindtofaith &deaftosigh. pieceofpizza.
Motivation
Searching for a reason Indulgingagain.
to press on with lonelypractice. Fallcolors? Whatfallcolors?
Searching for power Memory'sclosedloop.
to push myself beyondseparation
...............................
For glory for me buildingmymuscles tappingpower of genetic energy.
For respect for team honingmyskills braiding tautbands of synergy.
For love of family sweatinghours givingofself whilefeeling mortality'surgency.
Naturenurture eachneuron consigned.
Naturenurture all musclemass mine.
For honorproud for honorfair TheRest
each fellowfeeding fillingflow Justbequiet &letall the rest
of selfbeyond selfwithin be justwhat theywill.
with selfpropelled sosaintly. Then inyourbeing without a voice
Otherbeing moreless as me become stilledripples to thoseofchoice.
theonly Holyreason tobe.
PowerfromOutside simpleself Be withoutwill &let the rest
throughmemory to mybody. be justwhat they wouldwant
.................................. &as theirtears dappleyourstream
I willmywill against mywon't wonderingwhy I does it. betheflow carryingtheirdream.
Owningother disowningself whilesomehow tryingtofit
into something that's morethanme
building a someone for alltosee. YouCan't
Andif wecannot allagree Youcan't makelove
I'll stopmytraining now. it's dough's toothick
alwaysticking to waffling
I am myself &noone else passion'sofme.
notneeding toprove myexistence.
Floatingfree of whathey'd makeofme Youcan't makelove
notfeeling self withoutresistance. without beatingeggs
Trainingon in practicelonely. of chickens of mercy
Never a day without ifonly. &penenace.
.........................
Noglory honor fellow family Youcan't makelove
&certainly no uncertainty. without nectarfrom
Waybeyondreason withits word flowers foundonly
beyond silentreason ofthisworld in goodevil'sgarden.
of bits&pieces of this&that
of teamswithmembers dismembered. Youcan't makelove
All reasonlost &power too from shards of self'smirror
towhat isnow &each nextnow. of righteousnarcissism.
Nosearch nofind in lifecomplete.
Nowin noloss nochampion'sfeat. Youcan't makelove
with obesiance&prayer
Giving withouthands to take. to sacredofsacreds
Sharing withoutwill to steal. holyofholies.
Practicing withoutgoals in sight.
Knowing fauxself from thatwhich is real. Youcan't makelove
No meditatingmind within&between. our dailybread's alreadybeenbaked
Selfsubliming in training to ephemeralstate. sliced buttered&eaten
Allpower beingalways near&clear as lesself'sustenance
always here&now as gatelessgate. &separation's
onlysin.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Playing our cribbage Glancingfrompuzzle
whilewatching smallbirds feeding pileatedwoodpecker
just one at a time. piercingair thenwood.
Fourdeer catchingeye. Scaring boldsquirrel Giantpine bowing.
Puttingdown her puzzlepiece allowingchickadees wrens Smallpoplar wavingwildly
to shoo them fromshrubs. toshare winterwealth. sweeping thrashing snow.
Streetsigns blankwhite. Infield edged softwhite.
Evenhousenumbers neutered Outfieldfence curving smoothbright.
bythis dampblizzard. Nobases today.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Truth HummingbirdSelf Connecting
Truth victimofcircumstance. Twohundredfifty Closingeyes beforesleep
Reality the circumstance. breaths/minute tryingtoconnect dotsofmyday
at rest!? into pointillisticperfection
Crackingshell of portrait of me.
spillingyoke&albumin both Keepingcount
into eternaltransform's bowl. impossible Attachingtothem
atbest. in selectiveprotective memory
Foldinginmemory shaping my sleepingwakingdream
asif it was true Feeding nearlyconstantly of who I wouldbe ifnotfor
when in reality forfuel tofind morefuel. allothers
itwas nothingnew &
just partof my scrambledwhole. Flitting in anyall direction indifference
searching for nextcollection. of
Truth&consequence elementalbeing.
my omelette which I'd As pollinators rapacious cupid.
really rather forget As parents cruellystupid Trust
the bowl the whole mostoffspring dead in year one Therewas a time
being beyondcontrol protect&educate neverdone. when I trusted mysenses
as the devil'sdance notknowing they were in cahoots
of circumstance. Flying jewel with my self.
nectarlicking mule
IfAsh boundtoyoke The onlydwellings I knew
If of maleficentmetabolism were cubes madeofbrick
ash isto ash found as smoke risingfrom when I thought logic
as nightlystupor was the onlylanguage.
dust isto dust toflit toflirt
toskip toshirk Untrusting logic&language both
howcouldeath allpretense of sense leavingme with little
transformwill beyond whiletrying to host
&will into want simplesurvival. a gathering of likebeings.
&want intobeing?
Moved So I chosepoetry
Then being Planning nearperfection. however contraindicated
willess&wantless Playing nearexhaustion. meaningbeingamorphous
wouldie with eachbreath withwords as wisps
&breathe in eachdeath Movedtoteach myteammates as windwhipped whitedcap's
tillboth myway. of prismatic saltspray
ash&dust in kaleidoscopicdisplay
becomingbecame It didn'twork. of uncensored nonsense
allust ............. slurring alluncertainty
for onlyme alwaysme Lost in exhaustion. ineach momentofplay.
certain myself is free. Lost in connection.
Ah salt. Myearthy salineseasoning
Impermanence Nothing toteach. always one caustic chlorine
Whobutme fearingdeath Nothingtolearn. always one singeing sodium
wouldbegin myconjuring Nowork tobedone alwayscombining tobecome piquantbrine
with divinesense selflost intheburn. whetherornot yourcooking
of permanence? suitsmytaste.
Wherewas I looking? Clutter Ah elements unneedingtrust
Whatwas I thinking? There is nomemory in love asif water&iron won'toxidize
nothingtoclutter receptionofother to rust.
Even streamstones within dervishdance of desire disappearing.
are washedtosea Asif myselfish temperment
or worn to elemental A singlepair of feet whirlinginabandon. can'tbe tempered by reality.
being. A singlefoot tapdancing.
................. PathOrPuzzle
Theonlyevidence Creating Nopath. Ratherpuzzle.
of permanence Eye creatingseeing.
being Ear creatinghearing. Nojourney full of meaningpurpose
mypersistent Skin creatingfeel. pointingtolifeternal so awefullyfarfrom
desire. Nose creatingoder. elementalbeing.
Tongue creatingtaste.
OtherThan Rather randomwandering
Dearest ThisNow Memory creatingself. withinparent's inviolableborder
you'rescaring mychildren Self creatingseparation. pickingpieces makingthemfit
withyour unscriptedbeing. Separation creatingsuffering. asif mybeing lackingwit
accepting anysense
Haveyou nothing to offer Howtoforget withoutforgetting of order.
but emptiness&infinite impossibilities? tobe?
Howtoforget withoutsacrificing
Honorable ThenWhen me?
there is noplan forsurviving.
Thereare nochoices but tochoose If I Care
& inchoosing become otherthan. SuperNaturalTennis Chewaway at mymoon
Flailingaway with seeif I care.
Otherthanwhat ephemeral one? forehandvolley Stripleaves from mytrees
I offer structure frompast elbow looseasjelly. seeif I care.
&paths into yourdomain. Suckwarmth from mysun
Youleave mylambs to wolves of fate. Hittingsolid seeif I care.
backhandvolley Tearthoughts from myhead
Thereis nofate with otherthan elbowsecure in seeif I care.
otherthan separation &transform'sforce. reality'sbelly. Ripwords from mymouth
seeif I care.
Livingthisnow iseach thisnow
if memory&dream bestilled. Separator If I cares evenforaninstant
I am separator then each darkfall becomesdespair
But memory&dream guideusall. self incarnate &evenspring becomes a nightmare.
Howcan I know what todo imminent eminent
ineachmeantime? emanent omniscient But if I'mcareless ceasing tobe
indifferent. then season'schange in fealty
Dreamories propel. to elementalbeing embalming me.
They cannotguide. I define.
You rushusthrough eachnow I drawtheline Proof
separatingme from being'sfabric. with indignation Proofofargument
asmy retaliation that there's only thisnow
Thereis nopeace &neverlove forbeingalone isin lake'smemory.
in otherthan each fornever. withinfury
............................ of love. Thenwhen never socompelling
Choosingotherthan that I failtofeel rippling
eachmoment'sfun. Birthdays whendarkness erases
Transform knowing nonumber thumblesshands of clock
Whatfolly fleshflowing toofast through barrenblur unabletohold hallowedimension
asif itcould bedone. birthdaysbeginning with eachdeepbreath of ticktock's torturedtenure.
ending exhaling in thatmoment'sdeath.
Thereis no time atlake indark
notime to lakeindark.
*********************************************************************************
**ArtOfMeditation **
Sitting in Japanese meditationposition Notlooking notleaping notnoticing myguest
NativeAmerican neverhaving fitmyhips asif I werethatdisciplined havingoften confessed
halflotus fullybeyond mydecision that I'mhome whenI'm nothome thisreally is happening
I unchoose what I am sittingfirm with pursedlips. that I own myownbody bothdong &itsding.
Naked&relaxed on wellsecludedeck Now onmytesticles quiteuseless inmy monkness
an arachnid startscrawling abovemyankle stillprivate tome &fineplaymate for mymonkey
throughsensitive leghairs uptoward mythigh although me neverhavingbeen shy as handsonlover
on collisionsourse with mybeloved wanke. these eighthairylegs were anotherkind of mother.
I it hadbeencrawling through hairs aboveankle Sittingmindlessly not imagining spunweb on myshlong
notmyhairs ¬ toward my belovedwankle I beginchanting Tibetian sterilitysong.
all wouldhavebeen in finemysticflow Noimage of hatchlings atmy netherorifice
buteach hairytouch tingling like a twodollar dildo. chantingon fiathless through threemore choruses
So I far(intheflow) withoutrying (ofcourse) whileconjuring an image of tentbeetles&torches
whichisbad sittingJapanese butwithout Easternforce. with gardener intent onaburn thatscorches
Whiff merelysendingspider to higherground eachinsect from itstreeweb (thatbeing mycrotch)
beast scamperingsilently toward my pubicsound. thesedistractions distracting mylesself a notch.
.....................................................
Pairofhands sonear but timelesslydistant Havingmade a mess of thismeditation
thatcouldhave dispatchedalien in aninstant scratching tillhurting thenseeing spiderspurting
beutbeling tonoone asmuchspider asme between deckplanks fardistant into softdirt
hands hair &hairyone being allone in three. leavingnothing but memory &an edification
my lesserself stillfar farfar fromfree
simple unbeingspider
being moremindless thanme.
*****************************************************************************
Age MyGrowth Sway
Asoldas memoryitself Birth to twelve Winglessballet
(it needn'teven bymine). SuperNatural being convection'splay
butlacking GodFather moving windowcrystal
Asyoungas mydesires. myfather havingbeen to rhythmicsway
weak. sweepingthrough
Timeforself to sortoutshards WithJesus as profaneteacher my steadfaststare
ofeach carefullychosen thenwhen &HolySpirit simplylackingfit. during morningsit.
creating mosaic howeverprosaic
ofwhatothers see whenlooking atme. Twelve to thirtytwo Handlesshand
SupraNatural painting ephemeralgold
Notime for lesself to neverknow mindbattlingbody across beigecarpet
eachdot inits pointillisticshow for preeminence being gentlycajoled.
whilebeing a strand inlove's knowledgebattlingfaith
Gordianknot. for prerogative. Sunrisingsunsetting
stealingtime'sdominion
WatchingBall Thirtytwo to seventytwo with entrancingdare
Watchingball from beyondmyself transition to challengingnature
neverjudging mybody'sworth. SimplyNatural whileunaware
Leap of faith being lettingo faith havingacceptedeath that I'm pretending
implicit inself's sadbirth. havingletgo immortality tobe onewithall.
havingtrainedmemory
Worthless whendriven to lessrippling Illusion
from deepwithin becoming increasing There is but onesingle illusion
desiringonly a sixlove win. still whichisgone beforerealized.
Guidingball reducingpace preparingtoreturn stardustcache (Canthis reallycome as
everygame anotherlostface. as earthairwaterfire somesort of surprise?)
&ash.
Worseyet with everygame&set There it iswas writtenabove
sawdust of softwood's severedbeing Masquerade gone without a pushorshove
reforming as phoenix as servicelet Dressed in emotions as ephemeral as everlasting love
with Sisyphuswilling whatcan't bewon. from mycloset of desires. this
mostexquisite now.
For transform'sake lettingo my I Attending masqueradeball .......................
neverhaving seenseams of FatherorSon. in a world of nakedneed. Butwho reallyknows
Swingingfreeclear eachball willfly. whatwith I beingthen
Judgingless elementalbeing willbedone. predicting?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Outliving mydog.
Thinking I maydeserveto.
Sufferingthathought.
Foldingfittedsheet. Brandnew possumcorpse
Cornerless. Undisciplined. intact on road's centerstripe.
Endingup as ball. Fourcrows feeding.
Campus pickupball Campus pickupball Campus pickupball
theonlyclock falldusksun theonlyclock falldusksun theonlyclock falldusksun
theonlyscore me. theonlyscore we. Noonekeepingscore.
Stubborn crispbrownleaves Blownleaves woodsedge wall
oaks tooproud to yieldtopines piledhigh bytheir secondfall
blind to differentkinds. left to decompose.
Mountains east. Lake west.
Drivingthrough each dawndusk
neverchoosingbest.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Stippling Escape
Ripplingstill yet stillrippling Whatkind of automaton has capturedme
dancingwithdots of memory's stippling drudgingmethrough its dailydull
fillingmyemptiness with eachinhalation lackingmadness neededtostoop?
emptyingfullness with eachexhalation
whiletraining tolessen separation. Rising with risingsun &quite as aware.
Eating institutionalfood.
Roiling whitewaterapids of reason Towingponderous companyline
intrudingoneach naturalseason ninetofive for fiveofseven.
creatingtime tofill duration
erasingnow tofill expectation Feelingless &failingthat
of mydesire's salvation. robots scything in senselesscertainty
slavetoscheme
Stillborn forelorn lost to eternaltransform neversaved bydream
foundswirling alone in memory's storm slicingthroughlife in logicalmovement
of pastencounter's complication wombtotomb
of future'scertain revelation birthtoearth.
that I'm imprisoned in isolation.
Self usingdenial as selfishindulgence
Ripplingstill yet stillrippling burden of nochoice makinghumpback lame.
roilingrapids now justrickling Trainsleavingtrack in disasteronly
forgetting beginning now'screation &I've had waytoomuch of that.
forebearing thenwhen's retaliation
againstmytraining to liberation. Whyslave toworry with machinewill undone
lackingverve lostinduty withouturge for fun?
Between
Between nonliving&allbeing Lessprogram lessmemory ofme in capture
is me lesself livinglife of willessrapture
doingmylittledance needingneither antacid nor babyaspirin
of lifedeath. living a life as identicaltwin
of the automaton thatwasme.
Thinkingmyseparation ..........................
somethingspecial. Earthairwaterfire all I don'tdesire.
Elementalbeing as selfs funeralpyre.
Thinking it somehow tragic
when myborrowedbeing's SittingTreatment
returned to nonliving. Mentallyinducedcoma
slowinghemorrhaging
"Justbetween you&me" of memories
isall thatcanbe preventingswelling
&thebest wecando of desire&defense.
is share.
Memory'Price NameThatTree WorkOfArt
Memory'sprice is sorrow Notknowing nameoftree. Self drillingholes in frame
via self Good. screwing myartwork securely
with grammar of mybeing tomy welldefended wall.
penning language of lies Notknowing nameof anytree.
protectingme Better. Intellect checkingprovenance
in bloodyargument. &prominence.
Notknowing names.
Skeletalemptiness of mywords Best. If pricless securing it
nonsensesyllables to allother invault
being of eachother's privatelanguage Tree caressingcloud. (or lendingit to museums).
asif semanticinsanity Treecouldcaressing.
drawn from poisonedwill Broken
of experience experienced If&onlyif neitherknown Sticks&stones
sanitizedbyself in union or separation maybreak mybones
beforestorage allowingmybrain rest but your harshwords
revisedbyself from intimidation byself willbreak myheart.
beforeremembered certain that I knowsquat.
&neverever experiencedagain. Worse yourglance
Asif ascribingmeaning tothen or toneofvoice
(Ourdog neverknew wouldbelike bribinghope forwhen will leavemeconfused
anythingotherthan I canbecome caresstreecloud without a choice
her skinaffliction while dancing&singingaloud but tosave myself
&hairloss.) in lesself's unknowingfuss &run.
(Myson neverforgot with transform embracing
my impatientrebuke allofus. NumbLove
&will neverknow Not unloved
peace whilefishing.) Reach but numbloved.
I couldn't reach now
Priceofmemory therefore nomatter the length ofmywords Beyond arm'slength
is fauxbeing as mybeing beingseed nomatter the depth ofmydesire butnear hand'sgrasp.
waiting to germinate nomatter the heightofmypride.
wanting to germinate Within earshot
tobecome soil&growth I spoke. I pleaded. I shoutedout as whisperedgasp.
of flesh&feces of allmy pastnows asif
fossilfuel never to burncompletely I couldwill weepingwillow torise Littleseparation
ashless thankless to swayherbranches &stop cloudedskies but no touch.
yielding in flamingconsumption from crying mylament outloud
light of lesself with thisnow whisperinghush Fleshtoflesh
heat of transform farfar from memory'shroud. beingwaytoomuch
amnesia of love. for myself tobear.
ByMistake Tamed
Bymistake thinkingcalendar a map So you'rethrough with faith&divinity
whoops that gotmybrain in gear. but don'trust logic'sinfinity.
Before I knew it I wasthinkingagain
&up popped all myancientfear. Soundslike youready for mind
promisingperfection of a differentkind.
No twelvestep plan couldstopmenow
from timetravelacross drama of me. Neither heavensent nor bestialbent
Hittingmyhighway seekingsuccess reason&ration seemingly trust wellspent.
speedingdown myroute of vanity.
Neither toorighteous nor tooraucous
Makingstops here&there alongmyway a middleground of perfectpurpose.
fixingmistakes of mycheckeredpast.
This stop that go becomingame of chess Assuming sensestrue &tenses too
with dreamscapespeed beingwaytoofast. a fineplace for self'spicnic.
Demonsflashing on billboard'sbacks. But ants&mosquitoes sweat&rain
Car I'mdriving beyondmycontrol cry brutalnautre's incessantrefrain
throughfaintlyfamiliar glimpsesofthen that hungry&tired I'm farfromsane
canthislife I'velead reallybe mywhole? &am a history that mustbetamed.
Daydreaming hell of lostagain ManyHeavens
in tangledcity of streets withoutnames There are asmany heavens
pursuingperfection &heaven'sredemption as my self feelsfit tosee
with calendars beingmaps &mybrain &justasmany hells
playingames. when mysenses can'tbreakfree
fromwhat I thought I saw&felt
WhatTopic? whentrapped orever in mymemory.
What topic shall I thinkaboutnext?
What topic willserve my burgeoningself best? GoldFish
Rekindledpast atbest lukewarm? Thereis noclock withoutmemory
Conjuredfuture as I of mystorm? goldfish unknowinglife timefree.
Choice beingfield of idylldreaming Thisnowbeing their entirewhole
while this sneaksby with now careening nodesire within their eternalbowl.
alongmyway while I sitpreening
indecisive whilebeing devisive Genius
inertialparts mired in self'semersion HomoGenius sapiens
within sterilelanguage's infiniterecursion. consistent in arrogance
insistent in assonance
Now it'stime (or better transform) resistant to dissonance.
to fade as action into mysterymist
asif in a trance but havingbeenkissed Confidence
by lips of unjudgedcircumstance. Infaith is purestconfidence
thatwhat I don'tknow can neverharm me
**Self'sBeing** forall is partof benevolentThee.
Self'sbeing is as moon
ficklyphasing alluring&false Selfconfidence is surelycertainty itself
praisingreflection of all shadowed other sexless senseless defyingintrusion
satisfying to neither lightnordark. byfact orfancy as flailingyouth
I canwin I canprevail
Factious to fullfading being a facetiousfacade withself's proudwind
muchtoo fascile in its feckless facevalue filling mygossamer sail.
feigningfalsetto to fascilitate myfancy.
Faithinself is boatwebuild
Neverfast neverslow neverfalsh neverflow confidence being both hull&stock
fulsome in futilifeality of each fauxpas keepingus safefrom stormofother
inits fatuousferocity asif it were febrile I lashedsecurely in driestdock.
init's fetish of finess as ferventlight .....................................
a resource alltoofinite Livingfaithless knowing no thing
tobe flamingfusillade beyond all flimflam livingaslesself with eachsong tosing
while flickeringflippantly through transform'sflue being rhythm of ripplingbreeze
fluorescing in font of forgottenfaith being gale'swave in openseas
forbearingfraternity of thoughtfull freeones being stonewashed &washed stonefree
fretting overchoice in each frizzledfortnight being eachother as refugee
as friendofsun or foe. where one&all&me&we
form part&whole of ourmelody
Bond in fecundfullness farbeyond
Each ofus needing moralattachment &immortalbond.
excessivebond ........................................
being flightrisks Thus isthe wish I cannotwant.
with fewties to Thus ismy lifespring &myfont.
ourcommunity.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Remembered by chance Assembled by plan Dismembered by plan
livinglife of drunkendance nevertouched by humanhand partslost in thisnow's expanse
with itscoma death. nothingleft tochance. leaving chanceforlove.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Restraint Demons&Angels
Chaininglightning of thunderhead's sigh Demons&angels of sets&matches
containingwhirl of tornadicsky infesting court of lastappeal
dampinghurricane's rushingreply while appealing to selves in defenseoftitles
beingacts of vainself hubris of I. appearing withself playing loveforhate.
Four headlesshorsemen sittingmeeklyaside Ghosts of champions haunting you&me
as four flesh&blood stallions take unrestrainedride if weplay ourgame as time&fate
pullingstagecoach driverless with onsinglefare missingbounce &missingball
throughlife of lesself isonly I dare. swinging days early hitting weeks late.
Across emptyprarie stagecoach speeds Playingball in backofmyhead
kickingupdust racing dry tumbleweeds bouncingtruly onlyin mybed
challengingwind in final muteboast with dreams&nightmares of loss&win
arrivingtoolate eachtown withouthost. of perfect loveset as perfect hatesin.
Tillrider grabbingreins takescontrol of pace Failingtosee thisnow of eachball
givingup desire'sgoals for lifewithoutchase. pullingeyes to heaven then hittingmywall
Slowing horsedcarriage havingbecome thoughtdragon of gamepoints breakpoints eachcrucial linecall
swapping allfoursteeds for muletrainwagon. pressuredhead rise before pressuredpulse fall.
Livinginpeace walking muletrainslow Fallingfromdreams of perfection to see
havingbecome partofwhole in longwindingflow. flayling failing as incompetentme.
Fixingwheels makingmeals lost ineach dailytask Working game for pride&name
beinganswer to question no I canask. written on eachball eachball the same.
..............................................
WombOfGod AutoBiography Namebeingtennis name becominglost
Born from a god'swomb. My lifeofself ineach forehand&backhand&servicetoss.
Suckled on teatofknowledge. within myown skull Ball beingfocus if selfisforgiven
Baptized in stream of selfconsciousness perfection the only ball beingame whenself isnotdriven
flow of concepts standard of performance
atoms of illusion eachotherheld to indulge in angeldemon desire
molecules of righteousness at morethan arm'slength. ballbeing blurredfocus of heaven's mutecall.
alphabet of alphabeing Hotcold sun of all ice&allfire
words of expression Mylife of self being timeless selfless freefloating all.
self of impression as alwaysknown
sweepingpastbanks of silentstillness but neverfelt
tobefate of waterefall's noteven when I knelt
poolsplash at the feet of icons of NoProblem
journey to ocean religion Paradox no problem
perhapsdrowning the fool scholarship for seriouslover.
born in nebula'swomb science.
suckled on stardust Whenever myreasoning miring
baptized in transform'srain Becoming an iconoclast in selfish synapticswirling
inflow of now whileliving in futurepast yourare myreality unfurling
inatoms of this alwaysfeeling utterlyoutcast withyour gentle lessdesiring.
inmolecules of joy the onlyfeeling .....................
inalphabet of other my I knew then. Paralysis noproblem
inwords of unknowing for savagelover.
inlesself unshowing Surrenderingfaith
beingswept in flow of silence&still to thought'sideal Ifever my stasis stagnating
&waterfallingrising beginningmysearch in selfish metabolicstupor
pool to ocean pool to ocean for whatisreal youare myspark mysavior
becoming poolocean startingmydiscipline withyour destructivecreating.
in gentlerhythm of unmovingmotion. as I sit. .......................
Paralax noproblem
Prisoners Witheach stilledbreath for steadylover.
Prisoners defensesfalling
toocomfy behindbars. forgettingself Wherever myappetite maystray
otherscalling in selfish huntformore
Jailor asleep. tillmyfocus tillmylocus youalways findme at desire'sdoor
Jaildoor openning. becomingtransform's returgning withme totheway.
Prisoners notnoticing pointillisticsprawling.
while chitchatting below
barredwindow.
Hapless WillYou?
November talkingwithSorrow. Willyou trade
"Your faintpraise mars my dismaldisplays drama for substance
makingmy guantbeing seemsomehow lessghastly. money for wealth
Your melancholyemotion diminishes power for peace
my profoundparalysis asif approachingdeath sex for joy
sad but not theirworst wish " fullness for emptiness?
"Sorry HonorableMonth but mycauldron Willyou trust lettingo your veryownself
of chemicalclairvoyance can'tresist for something so muchless personal
yourdarkness yourchill your nakedambition but oh somuchless destructive?
tobe the endofbeing.
Willyourisk preciouself
I onlymean toamplify your dreadfulmonotony whichyou've built&defended
remindingbelievers of inevitablemptiness for soverylong soverylong
with your forebodingwinter causingcataracts on a promise of peace&joy
blurringsight of their promisedland. in emptiness?
We are inaway asone NarcosisNovember Haveyoufought longenough
inbeing partofthecycle of sapiensuffering failing tofind meaningpurpose
blindingthosefools to eachthisnow's perfection beingfrustrated in searchfor satisfaction
by parading thenwhen infrontof their working sohard without satingdesire?
easilydistracted eyes."
Haveyou willenough to willawaywill
"VirtuousSorrow forgiveme. I maywellhave without faithorknowledge ofwhatwill
misunderstood your maudlinemeanderings remain
withyou seeming toknow sowell sapiens whenyour fetidself is sloughed?
arefools for sentiment.
Ifso letgo becoming eternalnow
Feelfree to joinme in dampingtheresolve withyour facelessface at your gatelessgate
ofthe haplessHominids intheirtraining grinningstupidly
toward lessdesire&defense withyour perfectlytamed ox excreting thenwhen
intheir refrainingfrom idolatryofself. trailing nothingbut fertility of transform.
**Pockets**
Until thatmorning I hadalways Perhapsthepocket hadbeen turnedaround
beenprettygood with pantspockets. duringlaundering &was essentially
Evenwith smallerpouches on sweats. insideout?
The movements were simple&intuitive Aha! Mydilemma was approaching a
pull elbowback with rational &oddlysatisfying conclusion.
fingers slidingpast pocket slit
before movinghandforeward Yet nothingwasright.
with thumbcatchingopenning Thepocket was pullingagainstme
leadingfingers into cavity. Itwas indeed rightsidein but stillwrong.
But somethingwasoff thatmorning as Weremyfingers somehowtoblame?
littlefinger gotcaught on slit So I sheepishly ranmydigits alongthe
&pulledpantsback creatingopenning eleasticwaistband towardmymidline.
causingthumb to duckunderfingers
turninghand palmup as it Expectingtofind zipper &pee slit
slippedintopouch. I foundnothing.
.........................................
I thenbecame bothexcited&chagrined.
Thesolution tomyproblem wasclear.
I simply hadputmypantson backwards.
Seeking Bandage I Found
Seekingdove. Seeknot bandage I found chips&chunks
Findinghawk. of likemindedsapiens leftover longafter
to distractyou from sculpter wasfinished.
Seekingbrother. yourpain of lonliness.
Findinglonliness. Reassemblingthem
Exposeyourwound into a mold tobw recast.
Seekinglove. to infectionbyothers Castingin&castingout
Findingother. unlike whothink youare. lesself of sculpter&sculpture.
Seekingintegration. Letyourwoundfester Drillingholes fillingvoids
Findingseparation. becomingangrenous. moldshattering againagain
again&again&again
Seekingtransformation. Havecourage to amputate &again&again&again
Findingretaliation. exposing defenses &then&then&then
to exquisitepain &then&then&then
Am I of separation me shattering me shattering
the onlyme of desperation me shattering me shattering
discoveringself of emptiness myshards
is neverfree? of less&less beingused
of your soprotected as
Distance preciouself. pathofpath
Love at a distance ............. to
impossible Mybandage isfear. nearperfect
withoutself's express Myscabs becomingarmor emptiness.
writtenpermision. preventinglove's fataltouch
fromdestroying mygreatest Burdened
Separation real if&onlyif counted desire. Burdenedbyself
in miles days others otherways eternalmass of sun'spast
of beingalone within impermeable Insecure now a blackhole
membrane Knowledge isfor the insecure after supernova blast
bristling with sensoryreceptors forwe allknow withoutstudy once bright
for a brain picking&choosing howsimple lifeis once burning
fromthen fromwhen &howbrutal once heat
withoutfeeling the slightestneed inits momentomoment once yearning
tosend insistence once hope
anysignals along my neuralnet. on routine tasks now turning
&selfless acts. into other'sblight.
Brain a dam
controllingflooding Play. Don'tpreach. Burdenedbyself
at unimaginalblecost. Sing. Don'tsaveme. memories only I everhad
or
Upstream a reservoir Dance &allife perhaps neverhad
downstream a trickle will dancealong of myfather's dominion
managedbyself dancealong of mymother's grace
thinking it knowsbest withus. of myintellect's opinion
transform's of mydesire's chase
elementaltest. GarbageCan for lifeternal
Evenemptied for seasons allvernal
Sterile neveremptied for safety paternal
Sittingstill alwaysomecleaving for love maternal
no steiliexperience alwaysomebelieving where allother is external
myshadowmoving alwaysomegrieving. as myself is kernel
withoutmywill. of my I's infertility
Evenrotting inmy I's futility
Sittingstill alwaysrotting. tobe lessthan
no seatonfence the mythicalsandman
no puddingforproving Unwilling? unable? filling mywearyeyes.
within mynil. toflush foulcan
to beginagain MyEpitaph
Sittingstill torefill withrefuse Whatgame's on tomorrow
allbeing as persentense of eachmoment
emptyinginto utternonsense. unlived.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
RockRiverFaith
Rock askedtoknow
River'sfaith.
River responding.
Howcan yourmassivebeing Donothing as I donot.
expectme to teachyou? Simplymaintain yoursteadfastbeing.
I am lightnessofmovement
as surrendertogravity. For if ineffort youmove withme
no transformation willoccur.
I too surrendertogravity
beingthedensity of argument If ineffort you resistme you'll
in a steadfast unmovingworld. tumble smooth dense butalone.
Yet youseem moreholy Then I mustsimplybe what I am?
flowingaroundme
smoothingmy roughedges Exactly since nofaith is perfection
undisturbed by mybeing you're nondoing will emptyou
constantly inyourpath. g r a d u a l l y.
Is yourfaith in lightness Rockhappens but isn'tdone.
orperhaps in yielding? Riverhappens but isn'tdone.
I don'tknow lightnessoryielding. So I don'tneed todo anything?
The call youfeel is unheard Thatsounds tooeasy.
&neverunderstood.
Simple perhaps butfarfrom easy.
Perhaps myfaith if it befaith atall Eitherway doingnothing
isin theflow or oftheflow isjust thestart with perfectionbeing
or theflow itself. the nearlyimpossible notdoing.
Then carryme DearStream. You're confusingme.
Letmealso be in&of flowitself.
Tryingto donothing willchallenge
Intime perhaps if yourpatience yourbestbeing while not trying
isas stoic asyourpresence to notdo willconfound&challenge
youcould yieldbywear you're nonwilling.
perhapseven bywant
allowing your mineralbeing Now you're scaringme.
todissolve inme.
Thenperhaps you'ready
What do I do tobecome all&you? tobegin training.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
SnowballFight
Underthawingsun with goodpackingsnow Hit miss laugh smile
snowballfightstarting as snowballfights will. each differentwo against otherone.
Three justeenboys each ontheirgo Doublingback with tacticalguile
without intent to learntokill. to ambush outcast in midwinterfun.
Battlingthroughtrees &downslickhill Finally with rocks&river halfrozen
havingstarted at road above stillstream. allthree again gatheringtogether
Divingforcover while dodgingthrows without a clue thathey hadbeenchosen
battle becoming a coldwhitedream. playingtheirgame in politicalweather.
Sport of war athletic&proud
of stamina strategy predestinedvictory.
Battlingon onfield of coldwhiteshroud
endinginnocence beginning history.
HisMansion MuscleMemory
He lived in hismansion till lateautumn's bite Mymuscles remembering all of trueimport
then moved tohis summerhouse in a subtropicalsite. chew swallow digest excrete
inhale exhale arouse&complete
But his cottage was stuffy &toomuch tobear cycle of reproduction
so hemoved to a hut in search for freshair. with self taggingalong
with its hope &a song
But after twopassings of eachseason'sense desiringall tobe easy
heknew his thatchedwalls weretoothick tobetrue &myway.
so he doused that grasshouse lit a match &then
watched blackashbreeze floataway with his when. But inmymemory earthisflat
.......................... &tilted toslide towardself
Foreveralone as solitude's self &all ismine &of onekind
livingemptylife of freedom. makingmywish myway.
Untethered from world of form&shape
he livedbeneath his faithless cape So whatwehave isan impasse of sorts
with his self as ash his desires as dust between twoparts that shouldbecohorts
joiningdervishdance of transform'slust. combining thierskills subjugating theirwills
in a pregnancy leaving each twoinone
Moat while self as wickedtwin is aborted.
Buildingmycastle in saturatedsand
wellabove hightide's reach. Withself taggingalong
with its hope &a song
Toting coldwet tofill protectivemoat rememberingonly whatitwills
in ocean's sievelike beach.
while mymuscles strain
Refillingconstantly against the reign
keeping loquaciouself safe of terror fromabove.
from suddenstormsurges of language.
Stopped
Overcoming wavepulsethreat Everything of mine that hadtodo withtime
with heedless willwant &yet suddenly
stilldefending against mycertainfate. stopped.
....................................
Now aged walking ocean'sedge inlove Left withoutframe portrait withnoname
eachwave erasing both then&when. pathetically
I flopped.
Withself diluted &transform saluted
strolling oceanbreadth &breathofshore Floatinginall self'sengine at stall
nomorecastle nomoremoat tomyknees
&neverever metaphor. I dropped.
Kids Facetoface with transform'sthresher
"Kids nowadays." myself being
"It ain's likeit usedtobe." severlycropped.
"Ah for the goodoldays."
Caught
Threecurmudgeons playingcheckers Caught in languagelogic bind
infront of potbelliedstove playingout in ticktocktime.
each halfblind&hardofhearing
arteries as stiff astheir attitudes Caught alone in memory
bold totheirpast nofuture unfearing seeking kin from familytree.
nevergain thisnow or when
livingwithin a perfectpretend Caught in drawing toowell defined
onlythen alwaysthen rather fingerpainted bychild who'sblind.
being heart&soul
ofmy shortcircuited self.
**Total(ly)Hip ** **Champ **
Groinpull I reckoned beingathletic Seekingtobechamp
not arthritic hip mebeing decrepid climbingseason's snowramp
tillreplacement withtitanium to garageroof highground
youth'svanity finallyover&done. during February snowballfight.
**TwentyThreeDegrees ** Firingfromabove fearingonly
DidGod tiltearth just to upset treacherous shove
sapiensensibility from friend&ally
challenging we midlatitude settlers moreinlove
with unsettlingwinters? withwinning.
CMD
Postmodern cavesapien coquette Maintaining my self atcost beyondmeasure
adjusting to neworld threat whileseeking toindulge eachselfishpleasure
always leadsinger eschewingduet enemiesarising fromeach actofme
moreless beingpartof a stringquartet. in deperatedesire to finallybefree.
Creating from depthsofmemory Defendingagainst or attemptingtotranscend
an allegory of eachpastglory my sapienenvironment without a friend.
combiningtobecome mypurgatory Onmyown empty stark &alone
fromwhich I'm unwilling to escape. dragging both my birth&tombstone.
Donning my superhero cape Unless until training diminishing
bendingfact toretain myshape thatwhich I couldneverdream of finishing.
in anenvironment of offensiveothers Simplywatching my self as memory'sbeing
notsurprisingly lacking sisters&brothers. still&stern without dis(or)agreeing
.....................................................
At length becomingbored with my singlechord
unknowing a symphony of life fullyscored
could notbe lessme with I striving tobefree
from mybirth's cursedburden of self.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Anothergooday Ineast graythunder. Dawnbreeze. Darksky.
afterall is said&done Inthewest orangesun setting. Summeryawning summersigh.
of doingnoharm. Inbetween I fish. Mayberain today.
Rippingdown towel Dryingface fromrack
buryingface inits plush. withoutremovingtowel.
Stuffingback in rack. Smoothingout its plush.
Dusk honeysuckle Dusk honeysuckle Dusk honeysuckle
enveloping my kayak envelopingkayak lake reedscroaking crescentmoonrise
distracting my self. &what'sleft of me. emptyiedkayak.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
StayingUp Regret GrandTransform
Stayinguplate Mysapienbeing As my grandtransform
thinkingup moreways tobewillfull a delicategrowth letpart of myorganism
&alone. of self suffering training. become seedroot
nestlingincrack of
Wakinguptired Budtoflowertofruitoseed granite outcrop
havingrelived my wearysome regrettingnot fragrancefailing growinginto an eyebrow
battleswithself. regrettingnot petalsfalling onearth's rockface.
regrettingnot fruitconsumed
It's a longhardlife regrettingnot seedentombed Flash
fighting forcesofunion in earthairwaterfire. I willfinallydie
in dreamsofme. thank(no)God.
Sapienbeing shrilltonil
Unrequited Eternaltransform still. Inthat flashof all
Unrequitedpassion I'll toosoonawaken
hotter than anysun Willfully (damnit)
a star to others Trainingwillfully towin. perhapsremembering
but to me Trainingwillfully toforget. atgreatcost
the one&onlyone. my notime away.
Trainingto nearexhaustion
Letmemory press&burn causingamnesia willedornot. **SubConscious**
myself's soprivate being Consciousness notbeing challengedenough
makingash butnever diamonds Thus paradoxicironicoxymoron adding a basement tostore allthestuff
in desire'sightseeing. of "willingawaywill" is a simplefact. I wish I didn'tknow.
Or let lesself in transform Trainingawaywill Forexample:
usethat ash as fertilizer bywillfullytraining Tryingtotype "kiss" leftright causingmiss
growing a lushgarden oflove abandoning allskills I lack. mysubconsciouswill tappingout "kill".
as passion's tranquilizer.
Forgetting EachPoint
Remembering both taste&tasting Blasteachshot towhere heain't.
during eachmoment of flavor Run'em tillhe's lookingfaint.
isthe forever that momentlives Flipitdeep &watch hisfolly.
a momentheld a lifetimetosavor. Approachwithfire &crushthevolley.
Forgetting what then wasdelicious
at moment of pure&tastefull life Dog! Dumped it into net.
isthe moment when thatmoment dies
to tongue to taste to talk to lies. -Or-
Remembering whatwas awefullydisfigured Shortsteps splitstep becomingquiteadept
by dimminglight &strobbingsight at taking shortball before he'sprepped.
is the singlesin of eternalhell Openstance squared with raquetface
self burstingbright seeingall toowell. givingball somewickedpace.
Forgettingsight forgivingseeing
bynerves ofeyes indark orlight Watchingball to strings. Striking. Closingon net.
is salvationfound an unsearchedfor find Splitstep. Balltoraquet. Stillnot mypoint yet.
unseeingself quitetotallyblind. Remembering lessons willingballtrue
fullturn of torso &fullfollowthrough.
Remembering alldisheartening
whenhope washearing plans&dreams Dog! Weakvolley. Hislob. Myloss.
is givingbreath to eachtomorrow
coldtears eachday for eternalsorrow. -Or-
Forgetting wordsheard &earsforhearing
insilence largerthan my self Forgettingfeet &swingtechnique
ishearing each soundlessound ofnow sacrificinghours of training.
quitingalltalk givingabow. Each foreverflow sending floating glow
archingstill over netlessnecklace.
Remembering whatwasdisgusting
with odersinging nostrilhairs Allfeet allball allungs alltongues
is smelling stenchofself indeath ofpassion inthis perfection.
&nevertaking anotherbreath. Nofeet noball nolungs no tongues
Forgetting bothbreath&breathing inlove's nearperfect connection.
inanatmosphere of purestlove
is respiringthrough senseless now DesiringLove
intoemptyingself trainedbeyondhow. Desiringlove. Who willgivewhat
towhom?
Remembering alldismembering
ofself fromself from touch&taste Gettingnothing inreturn
ispain ofself in ultimateloss except selfaddressed unstamped
ourmoment on eternity'scross. envelope.
Forgettingbody &its sensing ...........................
senselessly feeling transform'sfire Desiring tonot desire.
is goingbeyond my Calvary Lonelyflute lustingtobeplayed
makingmycross self's funeralpyre. but noone willingtopractice.
**DegreesOfDriving** **PerfectPop **
GoodDrive: 1) Carrybeyond women'stee. No perfectpop. Somekernelsnot
2. Finball. Anyball. Eveninthicket convinced by fossilfuelfury.
behindtree inwater (butplayable).
Coalheated oil in skull's ancientcauldron
BetterDrive: 1) Notshortest of foursome. firedtoburn by secondarysun.
2) Findyourball.
3) Findbetterball. Me cookingpot of comfortfood
whilecomfortablewith my attitude.
BestDrive: 1) Onfairway. Readyforbutter to fattenmymood
2) Longest of foursome. before turningoff my blueflamebrood.
3) Find pristineTitlest while
helpingfriend findhisball. Munching on multilobed alabaster
............................................................ nutritionlessmass makingdesire master.
BadDrive: 1) Losingyourball. Somekernels unpopped whilelonging unstopped.
2) Ballanding in drivingrange. Indulgence nowbecoming when'sdisaster.
Gettingpelted searching. .............................
3) Losingbearings inwoods. Nevermind alwaysmind
Partners forcedtosearch. whenpot is still &flame is hot.
Eachkernelpopped or poppingnot
WorstDrive: 1) Losingyourbag while burningnow to blackenedclot.
searchingfor yourball.
2) Losingbearing inwoods.
Partners notlooking foryou.
Falconer ManInMoon Pictures
(Thanks WBYeats.) Nolonger maninmoon Pictures fade. Memories age.
Wildhawk whippedfalcon yetstill defyingravity One brittle&yellow.
mygravitas diminisingwith with my mountaintop thought One supple&mellow.
mytrainedstillness. &time that I bought
by returningtoearth No scrapbook canhold
Centripetal centrifugal waytoosoon. desire's puregold
neverbalanced within remembered aswill
sapien's languagemind Remembering toomuch wouldhaveit.
ideas as nonsocialinsects of what I've beentaught
crawlingacrossceilings mydensity skying Rattling
unknowing earth'smass myself notcomplying Demonsrattling
till findingawindow tolaws of sapien'snature. inmyskull
escaping as I keepdriving
airy dry armored cold. Enjoying enduringweight my bumpercar.
of my evanescentcells
Actions being onewithother succumbing tostill AwayFrom
boundtoall of my diminishingself. Nodrama in duty
crawlingfloors not a glimmer of beauty
sinkingtocellars Becomingsoil workerbees without freewill
earthy moist soft warm. for seed of forgetting. drone's fauxpassion sans anythrill.
Growingpast palemoon
Hawk becoming straightolove. At times playing awayfromball
earthwaterairfire. is right for offensetoflow
Must I? nodance noprance nobeingall
Myfalcon struggling Believers at times myself'sbest is toletgo.
borntodestiny believing theyhave nowork todo.
trainedtoduty. OnD a stop. Nosteal. Noblock.
..................... Must I? Can I? Savethem Simplydoing whatmust bedone.
Falcon from theirself's?
true butnever real ................ Barelyvisible playingout gameclock
becomingprey of prayer. Clearly I havework todo unknowing bestbeing
on myself. oftenbeing being noone.
Aging Stirred
There is noaging to ripplinglake Stirredfromslumber
just thisnow for reality'sake. I girding my self for reality'sblur.
There is noaging toskin in wrinkling But howawake am I
without mymemory's constant twinkling afterlongnight of senselesscheming
asif starsineyes &tautskin real morereal than echo's reply.
whileliving a selfish lonelyreveal.
Armoredforbattle
Letting go mywill givingup mywant beginning livingwith.
becomingdrenched in transform's font.
Eachthis pastdue eachnow real meyou Rumagingthroughdumpster
thenwhen being memory'sresidue salvagingwhat I can
of sapien's selfishnature. whenable towithstand
oder&disorder.
Trainawayself's wish toplay
in memory'store of candy&more Eachday of annoying static cling
fattening on past making now a task then backtosleep &dreaming.
asif my nextstep be mylast. ..............................
Awakening
If Losing Awakening to today
If losing wereasy having trainedaway mostofyesterday.
I'd easilyshed my hardenedshell
riddingmybieng of my selfish hell Awakening to today
foregoingneed for defense. having trainedaway muchoftomorrow.
I losing wereasy Dumpster mostlyempty
I'd easilysurrender my preciouswill beginning livingwith.
livingeachday in simplestill Helping myneighbor
letting whatis be. dump hisgarbage.
If losing wereasy A day of littledesire
I'd easliyslough each hope&dream then backto nearly
livingeachmoment without a seam dreamlessleep.
in gentleknit of love.
Suture
But I'm no loser Difficultosuture a wound
dreaming&scheming creating with swordofseparation.
existential split
myright tosuffer mywrong Difficultoheal a wound
tobe separate tobe sin that hasnot beencleaned.
neverevergivingup
mypreciouswin. Teach
Tryingtoteach
Ending becoming highpriest
Ending clearlyaneffect of memyself&I.
caused justasclearly
bybeginning. Preaching to thoughtchoir
explainingwhat I desire.
So neverstart if fearing
you'llstop Building a wall certaintoseparate
leteach dawntodusk be asis offeringonly the gatelessgate
beit substantive or merelyfizz of confusion between fated&fate
asif my alwaysclinging desire causedbycontusions when
mightmaster self'seternal argument arises fromdebate.
fire.
Beginning self'scease
Onlyduring my bestrained forgetting nurturing naturalpeace
cantime becometransform'svetting lettingstarve my proudbeast
asboth supernova&incipientgalaxy. in learning's bacchanalianfeast.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Nothingatall changed Wordsickness is like
Stillbreathingin breathingout. teachingfish whatwater is
And now I'm hungry. in a bowl of air.
Being clawhammer Hammer&anvil Hammer anvil forge
shapingyoulife to mywill horse&carriage yin&yang shapingshaped mineralstock
against earth'stillmass. neverseparate. being moltenrock.
Havingheardhersnore Tripping on stumpstubs
ourgeese infearof croon tillrenting stumpstub ripper
headingsouth in June. for Sunday ripping.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Smoke
Cavemansighting horizonsmoke of havingotten morethan onewasgiven
signoflife inan ageofstone of havingained inthis zerosumgame
movingtoward itslight &warmth wherewhat I get isatyour expense
knowing he's nolongeralone. &goods arevalued lessthanfame.
Sharingspace at burningfuel (Smoke withoutfire
sharingfaith while sharingfood ash withoutfuel
feelingvalue in safetyofkinship life withoutlove
smokeycurrency however crude. foreach burningfool.)
......................
(Smoke limitingsight On to preciousmetals&stones
cloggingsenses with gainingvalue by beingrare
scentofsmolder.) stuffoftrade becomingsymbolic
...................... as trinketsabound while cupboards gobare.
Fueltofood &finallyfurs
as humanstrade whateach valuedmost Preciousmetals finally minted
tilltrading becoming an egogame valuebecoming stuffcalled money
wherewhat wasdeemedworthy wasone'sboast a barrensymbol of hibernantbeing
hard&cold becoming humanhoney. ..................................................................................................................................................................................
(Smokeparticulates Nogold toback ourbankingzeal
becomingsemisweet novaluebeyond "InGodWeTrust"
to salivatgingtongue.) tradingbarrenmines for burgeoningminds
withfaith determining boomorbust.
Yet honey beinghardtohold
beingleftbehind with silver&gold Moneyasvalue becomingabstract
as humansbegan their paperage each IOU becoming licensetosue
valuebecoming easytofold. allbeing fordicing carrotstocubes
thenfeeding wesapiens as rabbitlikerubes.
Trees thatonce wereancestralhome
&laterburned inhearth forheat (Smoke grayghost
becomingpulp of papergod beyondburnt reason
a pridefulfuel from greedswamp peat. exhaustedatlast with
changingseason.)
(Accumulatingmoney ...................
whilelosingwealty. Allfuel a facelessmiling glow
A smokeyride to all food&fur being body of all
hellishside.) allvalue a dream of longlostinnocense
allbeing eachseason as emptyfall.
**Primary ** **TriAthalon** **OpenClosed **
If blue bewater &yellow besun Tellingmydoctor Opensytem or closed?
&in theirmix greenearth become my abjectdisappointment Schrodinger or hiscat?
redmust somehow represent carbon thatmy triplebypass surgery Godel within without?
withoxygen colorless inthisbargain. musthavefalied Maze. Cheese. Rat?
with me finishing27th
Onlythen can I repair in BoomerTriAthalon. Cat catchingrat inmaze.
mymetaphor Schrodinger eatingcheese.
of primaries beingelemental Doc lookingdistressed Godel askingformore please.
whenitsclear thismule that I'd confessed
is a rental to challengingmyheart **NoExpectation **
&needn'tbe treatedkindly. withthat athleticmess Therewas noexpectation of privacy.
till I reassuredhim heneedn't There was complete absenceofmalice.
Yetstill wehave physics's colorwheel worryatall Thecase hasno constitutionalstanding.
creating ifyouwill the wholedeal cuz the events were Prosecution wouldbe governmentaovereach.
waterairearthfire. pingpong Butwhatofother? Whatofother?
canasta
Thusendeth my poeticmire. & pickleball. (Fartingincrowdedelevator.)
Obesity - 1 Obesity - 2
Obesity of thenwhen Obesity of thenwhen
duringeach thisnow. duringeach thisnow.
Fat of memory'sate Fat of memory'sate
asfact of self'sfate asfact of self'sfate
beingconsumer beingconsumer
amongproducers. amongproducers.
........... ............
Desire'sappetite beingnearlyendless Geese duskrising
for anythingotherthan wantingmore. becoming orangewhitegliding
Wantingdesire in gluttonousearch cloudripples spreading neverleaving
becoming senselessensing becomingflight of eachdesire'snight
as self's wantonwhore. while emptyingself into emptiedall
of transform'semptycupboard
Being withoutflavor unabletosavor bare &barelyknowable
succulenceofsensation fromwithout. tomy expandingunknown.
Eatingmenu of selfgratification Myself emptying yetstill myself
duringfeast of rottedfruit from training'sforfeit lessthanlove but neverhate
in a combination with dailybread with I defending I as evitablefate
runinedbytransform's exquisitedread of lakelessdusk &skysansflight
of permanence if becomingoverfed. with me blind to oblivion
of anyother beyondmyappetite
Consumerproducer preserving my self
creatingmystupor against unseeingnight.
within nature's apparentimbalance. ..........................
Having noexcuse for my immodesty Emptied.
while goingnaked inaworld dressedinjoy No lakegeeseduskflight
as I play with myone&onlytoy just a flagunfurled
memoriesofmemories yetstill within solarwind
ofonce havinglovedyou. ofall thelove I've lost.
FullBelly East&North NoCornerOffice
Can emptiness comeonly on fullbelly? Easternlightning Working in small windowlessroom
Does emptygut fillmyself toofull becoming Northernlights nearcenter of thrivingcompany.
of need to attackdefend? duringthis superconductive
moistsummer Files cominginconstantly
Beinghungry withoutknowinghunger moonlessness. being organized&reorganized
whatsort ofsaint isthat? accordingtocategories
Mydrive both profound
Nohunger withoutwant. flatblack&straight &whimsical.
Nowant withoutself. intothat eminence
Noself withoutmemory. asif Decoratingmyoffice
Nomemory withinthisnow. ridingintobattle with pictures of parents&self
asif inmy halcyon days when
Myclearduty beingdrawn into night Santa was God
managingmemory asif Christmas was Heaven
emptying thisnow. willessnondecision &firstdayback from summervacation
whilefacing imminence was empty brutal hell.
Myreward whichain't
beinghungry a badway Files cominginconstantly
withoutknowing to train. with I making selfdeformed
hunger. decisions.
Innoculated InLine
Self innoculatedwith Standinginline a secondtime
then for a completelyuniquefreak
summoningantibodies rollercoasteride as secondbride
to intercept each thisnow inmymarriage withmysenses.
asif anattack.
Tiring of updowns heading for teacups.
I becomingimmune toyou. Spinning&swirling hopefully nothurling
Love becomingimpossible normal digestion now outofthequestion
till antidote known to onlyafew inmy multiverse of sensescursed.
is published butperishes.
Soitgoes as transformflowing
My elephantmemory goneblank. from thistothat in nogiven order.
My parrot dumbfounded. Andinitsgoing each lesselfknowing
My monkey mimicking moveformove thecost of nogivenquarter.
hopingtoimprove chanceforpainlessdeath ...........................
before beingparalyzed by strokeofgenius. Standinginline eachfinaltime
receivingboth body&blood
Fearingtheworst that nonsense&tears after stillsitting while whollycommitting
have weakenedwill of believers tobecoming lily's nascentbud.
asif allthingspast cannotlast
intothier prayedforfuture. Dogged
After alltheseyears pretendingmaturity
Exercisingtoexorcise endemicinvaders. still doggedbypurpose &pennedbymeaning.
Creating probodies duringstillsitting After sittingsoquietly waitingfornothing
tillblood runsbold as loversbehold stillstuck in mykennel awaitingmyweaning
the immanence of emptiedcrusader.
from motherMary's magicmilk
Bleedingself of self'sownvitriol. God'snectar for the faithfulfew
Vitiatingverisimilitude of memory seeingswelledhead butnever tuckedtail
with antibodies stillbattling elementalbeing wagging a body without a clue.
with lesself beggingforpeace.
Penningthesewords in selfconscioustupor
Parting wearing milkbone shorts &porkchop neckless
(Thanks Em.D.) rabid dogsatmyheels chasingme onmytoes
"Parting is all we know of heaven as I do a ballet flaylingtotallyfeckless.
and all we need of hell."
Perhaps tomorrow thosedogs willbehave
Wellsaid allowingme to losemyself forall tosee
whereknowing isparting a creature farbeyond bowedhead &grave
&separation createsneed. my oldog's newrtick as memory'srefugee.
Farewell mylove myprecious self TwoRings
if faithless&hopeless I candie. Meaning&Purpose
tworings of self'scircus.
Parting aslove becomingfree Thirdring beingforgiveness
as Christ'slament &finalcry inwhich all selfrighteous abide.
"Why hasThou
forsaken Me?" Faith&Hope
tworings of cathedralbell.
Heaven beingmemory of desire. Thirdring summoninghell
Hell beingreality of defense. fromwhich all lovers hide.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Pleasekeep yourdistance Knowingfromafar
so I canget to know you beingsafe butfar fromlove.
asyou trulyare. Letme insideyou.
Hummingbirdfeeding Just a buzzingbee. Seeingour recruit
while I lie inmy hotub. Onlyif he's closetome standingout in summerball.
It done. Dartingoff. heard over headphones. Waitingfor nextfall.
Fishingpast newbuild. At end of ourdock
Watching foundationworkers eleven fingerlingbass.
shirtless&gleaming. Howlong till legal?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Shuffling NoCaptive
Shufflingcards before nextdeal Nocaptive within my cellsuit
ruination infiltration havingborrowed from elementalbeing.
of entropy
when I wouldorganize? Nocaptive of myself
in eternalfleeing.
Stringingnow as pearls
in memory'snecklace Nofreedom as slave
strangling all life toeach thenwhen.
below itsexquisite coiffure
mangling all life Bettertobow
above its hautecouture. as captiveagain
tolove withoutsuit
Or treatingpearls as seedstosow tolove withoutcell
who's fullgrownfruiting willbe less toknow tolove withoutheaven
than thenorwhen couldevershow tolove withouthell
within eternalnow.
.................. tolove beyondself
Shufflingcards before nextdeal tolove burningbright
each hand exactly samedifferent. tolove's dance of joy
tolove's song of light
Wonderingwhat facecards
musthavemeant tolight's captivelove
before I madethem real. tojoy's willesswill
todeath's emptydin
Judgment totransform's greatstill.
Critic telling
righteousness swelling Wounds
self propelling Wounds superficial &/or supernatural
truth throughrapids. incurred while tooyoung to remember &/or defend.
Teacher showing. Scartissue becomingmyself &/or mysoul
Learner growing. both/& creating a cripplingblend.
Lesself flowing
within gentlestill. Ifonly therewere a waytobear &/or transcend
a life of constantmend.
Roulette
Playing Russianroulette with alphabet ThisNow
beware how youload yourmouth. Thisnow being only&all
yet insufficient to creaturesofmemory.
Shootingfromhip whilespinning inafit
not hitting whatyou're aiming at Holdingtoomuch witholding toomuch
not endingwell inyour selfishspat desiringsomuch defendingsomuch
whilegambling with another'slife. thisnow heard as faintcall.
..................
Holster yourgun tie yourtongue Thisnow being only&all
with noose you hadplanned for yourfriend. yet insufficient to creaturesofmemory.
Useyourvoice to singasong Wearing myarmor during peacefuldaydreaming
cashin yourchips before youoffend. weighingmedown suffocatingme.
Raft Letmelearn todefend onlywhenchallenged
Buildingmyraft withrocks by truedemons of physicaldestruction.
misunderstanding densityofocean.
Letmetrain toseeclearly suchthreats.
Lashinglogs together.
Lifetolife makingsense. Wealth
Wealthmeasured
Or have I not exploredenough notby howmuch I have
thisland I've defined asisland butby howmuch I want.
as I land as myland as live&dieland
withingocean of lifeternal. Mywealth measured
by genitalsize & reproductivefecundity
When & ambition'success as thoughtprofundity.
When (Wow. Strikeone. Striketwo.)
makingmeomnipotent
if&onlyif eachthen betrue Bloated by myself's decompositionofother
in eachnow. thinking mygaseousgut a privatesun
&my digestiveorgans a solarsystem
Memoryservingbest then shittinout mymalnourished
as reheatedleftover attempts at love.
sortof fresh in a familiarway
yet self'sdesire notquite will'sfire. Ofall obviouserrors
whileattempting a life of lessuffering
I killed the cavebear is accumulationofanything.
almostbyaccident.
Moaning
Can itsmeat last Self moaning
myentire winter? of death asnot lifedeath
asif onecoin'side
Brain asif partofwhole
Emptyingsame asif startingending
while challengingbrain existing
to notsuccumb to memory as realitywithin
as seductiveself disembodied. eternaltransform
sunbathing in winterlessbeing
Reflexivedefense ofby self itself stargazing duringsun's harshestburn.
challengingbrain with abstraction's claim
that truthprevails within reality'sdomain. Self moaning
about my cellularsorrow
Letdreams flyfree in desire'splea asif notfrom memory
tobe supernatural (asperfection willbe) outofbrain's shortestcircuit
asif gettingfat willnot harm myheart creatingsanctuary
makinglesself ache asif apart forpride's fear&envy.
fromtransform's eternalnow.
**Psych901** **Lawnmower ** **Master**
Forseekers freeofpathology Lawnmower weedeater Master tellingme
a trainingcourse for stillingtheforce powerwasher chainsaw to sitquielty lettingmythoughts
focusing I on Me. theresimply oughtobe a law drift up&away.
thatwhen I fish or choosetonap
Choosefrom suddenseeing or I oughtoget a singlewish I triedthat numeroustimes
incrementalfreeing ofself that internalcombustion in Ms.Grinsky's historyclass
frombrain's pathologyofmemory notbe externalrambunction &was rewaredwith moretime
havingaccumulated whatshould allowingme to luxuriate to sitquietly lettingmythoughts
havebeen letloose withthefables in utter primalsilence. drift up&away...in detention.
bandied inthecaboose.
**TeacherAsking ** **Hope&God **
Mustbe concurrentlyenrolled Teacherasking Nearingend of outdoor sittingsession
&pigeonholed in the if anyonehas an extrapencil. feelingsweatbead inchingalong
SchoolOfHardKnocks. towardmyprivates
Gettingnoreaction. hopingtoGod it's infact
Bring loosefittingclothes just a sweatbead.
&a largepieceofcheese. Pointingtogirl sittinginback
needingone (Whoops. Did I justentreat
No creditcards accepted. a sudden "crack" "crack" "crack". hope? & God?)
See COST OF SELF 3.
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