My mindwandering Afteralltheseyears
really self on walkabout stillcarrying babyfat
throughmy preciouspast. of expectations.
MySelf'sDesiring
Myself'sdesiring forcingme totrain
against allfaith&hope purposemeaning
knotsomuch bywilling but torestrain.
Inmy youth beingtaught to valuefame
tochoose a goal &neverstopdreaming
**Makeup** myself'sdesiring forcingme totrain. **Bargain**
Usinglanguage I bought a coat
toserve myself Facing faith&hope with utterdisdain at 40%off
like a child doingwhat I mayormight whilescreaming whenIneeded
usingmakeup notsomuch bywilling but torestrain. a pairofshoes.
with a mirror
& a goodfriend. Beinglazy ticktocktime seemingsane Quite a bargain
compared to endlesstransform's moonbeaming by anystretch
Whatcould myself'sdesiring forcingme totrain. of myself'simagination.
possibly
go wrong? NowIwander Unknowing at longlast willingisvain in stockingfeet
leftempty alone from allmyscheming drawingblood
notsomuch bywilling but torestrain. but toastywarm.
Duringsitting someofmyself doeswane
effortlesseffort beingredeeming
myself'sdesiring forcingme totrain
notsomuch bywilling but torestrain.
Nurture Sharpening
Even mostdetailed Memory
topographicmap sharpening intellect'saim
tellingnothing of weather usedtodefend self's absurdclaim
of stateof mywanderingthoughts of hegemony overeach thisnow.
during longforgottenhike
or tomorrow'sfolly. Memory
accumulatingimpermanence
Whytry to iron living in past&futuretense
MotherNature'sbreasts asif transform couldallow.
asif
flatchested Memory
shecouldnurture cheatingcreativity
myworld? stealingspontaneity
denyinglove's firstvow.
Deer standingstockstill More damnedleaves torake.
near cagedelectricity. My nextlife in pineforest
Sol bothchained &free. or on a houseboat.
ORIGIN STORY
"TEPID"
(TheoreticalEvolutionaryPsychology
of
IndividualDifferentiation)
Neither hotnorcold an easytoswallowsuccession **Curmudgeon**
from suntocelltosentiencetoselfconsciousness. Halfblind &hardofhearing
............................................................... living inpast where
Given stardust&gravity ourstar oursun isborn. everything was better.
Athome yet homesick. Planetsform.
Isthis the endofchildhood Hoping forfuture where
thestart of growing? Elementscreated becoming PeriodicTable. it'llbe lessdeader
Molecules&compounds oldcurmudgeon
Athome yet homesick. swarming. doesdeign tocomplain
Isthis the endofknowing? into faceofthefaceless.
The startofdoubting? Semipermeablemembranes creatingprivacy
encapsulatingfuture you&me.
Athome yet homesick.
This is the endofmylife Firstseparation.
the startofloving. Originalsin?
Energycaptured by chlorophyll.
Light. Heat. Chemicalsensing. **Playoffs**
Memory as pastfencing. From gettingmonkey
**Metronome II** Nucleics as futuretensing. offyourback
Metronome as cruelmaster to gettingfeather
each thisnow here&gone ThreeImperatives of inyourcap
before I canorder ElementalBeing. one clutchshot
myleft ringfinger Maintenance. Safety. Reproduction. in
to stretch to Bflat March or June.
whilelearning Lifebeginning admittingnotruce.
myBachfugue. I&other ontheloose.
..........................
Whoops Fastforwarding to multicellularbeings.
toolate. Drivenfromseas then banishedfromtrees.
Presapien on dryland v. harshrealities.
Thumb as brain'stutor
providingtool tobecome a doer.
Advantage to creatures of thumb&holding
provokingbrain to environmentalcontrolling. Autumnbare oakcrowns
revealing chinhigh greenvines.
Advantage to creatures of tongue emboldening Winter turtleneck.
communication&interelation amongothers beholding
Walkingduringym. to familyclanmembers of distinction
Minimumexercising earned bybehaviors stavingoffextinction.
but facetoface talk.
Tongue as bluntneedle sewing subtlesocialsutures
helpingsecure sapien'sfutures with coordinatedbehaviors
againstmyriadpredators.
Wondering whatfor whilehandling objects Neither seen nor felt
creatingworld of cause&effects. yet faintlyheard winterain
falling on deadleaves.
Toowarm for typing. Wondering whosedoing allthat'done
Shedding thermal baselayer needing a Gath &maybe a Hun.
till ournext dogwalk. .....................................
Hun impalingcavebear with walkingstick.
Labeled"hunter" becomingclan's first heretic.
Gath unearthing edibleroots.
Labeled "gatherer" honoring thosefruits.
Roof chimney churchspire
Brain lookingwithin SantaClause or the ChristChild
calling thatspecter "mind". allbeneath fullmoon.
Defining newbeingof uniqueinkind. .............
Rooftops&chimneys
Comparing thisnow below churchspire withitscross
Umbrellasclashing to rememberedthen showingthem who'sboss.
above huddled drylovers. planningsurvivial foreach nextwhen. .................
Sky lightningslashing. Winterbare oakcrowns
...... Butwho (brainasks) cancause or do? revealing hiddeneighbors.
Frozen jellyfish Thus creating self Birds&squirrel's nests.
keepinglover'skiss chastedry a demandingbeing torue.
underbawlinigsky.
......
Umbrella tugging. Memory as sixthsense
Wind justfollowingorders. indreams inconstant pastense.
Rain strugglingtosoak. Ignoringthisnow
creating separation **MaterialContent**
defending my I v. against anyother thou. 100%
undetermined fibers.
Distinguishedthus
secondarysentiencebeginning
sapienbraincreating
losing&winning.
...............
Hun alone&running
from fiercebear within darkcave.
Hun withclansmen
posturingbrave.
Stimulus Memory Response
Confrontation Havingimpaled Cellularsurvival - freezeflight
with largebeast. smallerbeast barely. Self'survival - fight.
Self as memory maintained&defended. **SevenWays**
Reputationbecomingreal. Sevenways to lose
a blackJitterbug
Self beyondbody havingappeal. cast intodarkness
Consequences totallyunintended. trailing bubbledgurgles
..................................... for hungrybass to follow
Universe of transform &engorge:
becoming multiverse of time. 1. Loopit highinto
**ArenaFootball** Thenwhen becoming homeofmind. overhangingtrees.
Haveyou everseen 2. Linedriveit into
an arenafootballgame? Burgeoningbrain knowingself as same falldowns reachingout
becomingaware of mortality. fartherthanever inthedark.
Theythrow some astroturf 3. Havingnot thoroughvemoved
over a hockeyrink Burgeoningbrain exchewingprofane lastcastbacklash
clean crustedblood profferinglife beyondcell'sbrieflame. snapline in suddenstop
off sideboards sendinglure into abyss.
paint a 25x50yard Thus self desiringlifeternal (Yes itfloats butwhere? Butwhere?)
minifield defending newfoundfame --Moonlight rippling
bringout fullsized creatingworld of lifeinfernal on rings from tossedlure.
footballplayers expectingaffronts &commoncomplaints whilepaddlingkayak
&pass on almost tobeprotectedbeyond reality'sconstraints. toward epicenter
everydown. SuperNaturalBeing. of disturbance.--
4. Findingreeds those supereeds.
It's a GIJoe videogame Self blatantlyignoring bodilyneed Perhaps with waistdeepwading
withscores like whenfaced with personal fear&greed. savinglure tomorrow.
bloodpressures 5. My BargainBin snapswivel
where the patients Limbicliason unreasonedbeing snapping.
in bigtrouble. being selfishemotionalseeing 6. Unlikely asit maybe
poisoning eachevery thisnow oneofmy preciousknots
with hopes ofwhen &dreams ofhow. linetoleader leadertolure
failing.
Bodysuffering with I's desiring. 7. Bestofall (if "best" possible
Defendingself with eachmemory'sfiring. in failedprotocol)
monsterfishjumping
Sensingbrain'sconfusion cellsdoing doubletake shakinghugehead
with I acknowledged as perception'smistake. in fullmoonspray
.......................... throwingthelure.
Facingself as separation.
Stillingself with quietsitting.
Livinglife of integration.
Trainingtolesself as love.
***************************************************************
**************************************************************
Headfirst or breechbirth. Secret to goodlife
Startingthinking or running. suffer primarysymptoms
Entitled. Threatened. bear alltheothers.
Dueling
First meetingyou asifwe're in a duel
desiringdominance defendingpride
last greetingyou nolonger as self'sfool.
Reacting asifborn to ridicule
ourseparation nearlydeified.
**Nails** First meetingyou asifwe're in a duel.
Inmy youth
I trimmed mynails Thesis antithesis learnedwell in school
bytooth. with synthesis onlyfaintlyimplied.
Last greetingyou nolonger as self'sfool.
Between then
&mytime of slippers Barrenlanguage becomingcontrast's tool **Smarter**
I manicuredprecisely addition toobenign taught to divide. Ourdog beingsmarter thanshelooks
with clippers. First meetingyou asifwe're in a duel. eventhough neverdealingwithbooks
nosethathumans havetreats
Now aged &havingbecome No herdedbovine this hardheadedmule otherdogs are deadbeats
ecstaticallysenile leadtomeado asif I wouldabide. so shesniffs inall the biped'snooks.
embracingthesubtlety Last greetinigyou nolonger as self'sfool.
ofthefile.
Overfilledwithdistinction's lovelessfuel
each encounter becomingsuicide.
First meetingyou asifwe're in a duel
last greetingyou nolonger as self'sfool.
Winter fourbyfour Holesinsnow steaming
makingsummerhike a chore. unlike leaflittercamo.
Mudruts hardening. Avoiding dog'spoop.
EmersonSays
"As men's prayers are a
disease of the will,
So are their creeds
a disease of the intellect."
Shortcut home throughwoods. ......................... After soapybath
Beingboth clawed&caressed BobSays gettingwet while dryingdog.
both awed &blessed. As sapien's will is a Atleast she smellsgood.
disease of the self
so is their intellect
a disease of separation
&
as sapien's self is a
disease of memory
so is separation
a disease of defense.
Refurbish LearningToLove
Refubishingfadingmemories Wantiong tolearn tolove.
with twocoats of dream. Learning thatloving
is training towant less.
Making memoriesofmemories
intoremedies for desire'sanemia. Trainingto wantless
tillthere's littleleft
Dreams ofthen rubbedclean again to notwant beyond
tobe today's passingfancy. my veryself.
Dreams ofwhen in now'splaypen Atlastforgetting
being beyondeven schmancy. to wantless wantingless
havingshrunk in training
Let sleepingdogslie. to nearnothingness.
Let's eat applepie.
Let's not relish without Loveblossoming
the maincourse. in unknowingbeing
ofall lesswanting
within transform'seeing.
**BananaSplit-1**
First strippiong brownbruised yellowpeel
longcurving fruitsmooth to finger's firstfeel
emergingfromyielding protectiveskin
flaunting its fauxsmiling phallicsin.
Then slicingsincerely asif to disembalm
while cradlingcrescent curvedside in palm
cuttingdeep but carefultokeep
from woundinghand of mouthitwillfeed.
Sliced long&slow from ear to there
spreading gash in boat of plasticpleasure
with threecoolmounds of sugarfatsooth
fillingslash with dreamsoftreasure.
Even threesyrups can'tsate desire'smust
for the creamycoolspheres of caloriclust
topped with whipedcream &finally a cherry
this sundaebecoming a tripledisgust.
Leaflesscrowns swaying ............................................. Isit a keyhole
in stoicwinterstaying. Consumationdemanding humility&order unlocking theselovelywoods
Noneed for greensails. from suckingeachcherry to lickingallcream. or a culdesac?
Nospoon tostart just tongue lips &heart.
Forgotten pursedlips of silentslicedfruit
beginning madtime of blindtonguefind
as lappinglengthwise my brownberrybounty
bananabeckoning tobe eatentoo
so backtospoon as curvedcuttingtool
beginningending of primordialpool
of temperature texture shape&taste
boundtobe each nextday&week's waist
but wantedasmuch as pleasure'sguest
as fertility'sfamily in febrilequest.
SenseOfSomething SoulsDon'tSelect
(Thanks R.M.Rilke.) (Thanks Em.Dickinson.)
Inmymost thoughtfilledmoment No soulselects
I am a flag in vastemptiness asif indefying creating
sensingahead in vivid dreaming heavenearth
windincoming lifedeath
which I mustlivethrough thisthat
in presenthought youme.
in beingwrought
in futurecaught SuchDivinity shrinkingstars
grave in remembrance. to sequins onherdress
making all lakes
Whilecreatures of worldbeneath her limpidlust
still don'tmove intheirsleep eachstream
doors stillclosing softly her tearsoflonliness.
rooms stillfull of silence
windows not rattling yet Unmoved unmoving
dust still lyingstill. an instantoftransform's
restlessbeing
I alreadyknow asif an instant boundbytime
&byknowing havecreated exceptwhen thought&held
&bycreating havethistorm become &stilled bythat mostcarnalchoice
myI astroubled as sea isempty of all deathlyill &eachproudwill.
spreadingfalling into myself.
Dispensingwith both mind&soul
Then dispensingwithme embracingtransform's organicwhole.
becoming absolutelyalone
in mygreatstorm of
illusion'sgrandeur.
Display
Itwas a sunnyclearwarm latefallday
just fourthirty a full twohoursbefore
my belovedfoul's usually flyaway.
Orso Iplanned
with geese&ducks barelynoticingme
castingfromkayak asthey crossedlake
torest onlawn before takeoff atdusk
thislake toosmall for safesleep.
Fishing northbay leavingavians tostay
near earthendam outof mysight
till paddlingquickly toreturn
at sixfifteen withtimetoburn
towatch their gathering&aggitation
randomordering &silentorder
Windblowing thisdawn to takeoff into orchidorange. Threestoriesofnests
Dogwalk becomingbitter ................................... in gigantice LiveOaktree
for the dogwakers. Ducks risingsilently flyingstealthily spillingroots towardstreet.
wingsbeatingsilently
bulletracers chasing fallingstar.
Geese risingexplosively
fiveyardflounder of flailingfeet
before rise&gone in barkingbeat
theirclamor intruding
Shootinghoops alone. on sunsettingserenity. Eachfootfall sinking.
Hoping for a game &fame? ......................... Exposed snowmeltsoil winking
Training to getlost? ButIwastoolate today as I slogalong.
turningcorner seeingonlystill
darknessfalling
withoutmygeesecalling
leavingme abandoned
leavingme shunned
asif theyhadleft without
a thoughtofme
asif theyhadleft without
fellowfeelingforme
asif wedon'tshare
loveoflake
dyinglight
separation'sheartbreak.
Living indoors. Nothing small as I.
HowcanI convincetham all Youme as higherbeing.
to comeout&play? Pride'sDeceit Isit thatsimple?
Preciouself pretending tobe discrete
asif not sloshingwithin soddenbrain.
Hidingpassion'sbeing as pride'sdeceit.
Asif organicbeing be concrete
&mind be lifelessme atleast in name.
Preciouself pretending tobe discrete.
Inourseparation we mustcompete.
**Frog** I mustact the lead inmydrama's game. **ItsJustMath**
"Brainfrog?" Hidingpassion'sbeing as pride'sdeceit. Whether theystop thegame
Whathedeuce &define it as such
is a brainfrog? Lurkingbetween brutebeast & God'sconceit the secondhalf
a handsomehead being as doing'sdeign. of the firsthalf
Oh "brainfog" Preciouself pretending tobe discrete. is the secondquarter.
yousay.
Whilelost in No enought toendure tomate toeat.
brainfog? I must addsuffering tomy realpain.
Hidingpassion'sbeing as pride'sdeceit.
OK.
Nevermind. Tryingtolove while feelingincomplete
asif trappedwithin a brickwallmembrane.
Preciouself pretending tobe discreet
hidingpassion'sbeing as pride'sdeceit.
Desire LightningOrRain?
Beingwhat I wants Lightning or rain
denying whoIam pickyourpoison
resistingtransformation reveling inthemoment
withits planlessplan. orin the moommmeeennnttt.
Smearedwithambition Perhaps sheetlightning
fueledbyshame nearlycontinuous.
mylifeofdesiring A fluorescentbulb?
a cooldullflame.
Perhaps a cloudburst
Searedbyamnesia spontaneous as birdsong
skull full of forgetting fleetingashaiku.
mypreciouselfchoosing
withme intertwined. Self singingeachsyllable.
Lesself bathing in eachdrop.
What lesselfneeds can'tbe wanted
yet in notwanting suchpain. Singlerustingnail
Comewithshovel digmygrave in lonepine deepinforest.
inthat emptyhole laymybrain. Someonelse's dream.
Staring atmy scar Master's strightlinehike.
havingforgotten itspain Dog loopingthrough frozenwoods
&thecircumstance. dancing caninewaltz.
**BlackBeauty**
BlackBeauty shewas &always willbe A giantstuffedog storedindriver's seat
sittingincoma under poplartree withears on steeringwheel instead of frontfeet
havingbecome in age my storageshed catchingeyes of neighbors who'dglance iftheydare
a usefulend to proudlife shehadled. tosee raghound's copilot a huge pandabear.
DodgeColt shewasnamed running with season'sbreeze At theirtoes weretools disheveled&stored
through longhotsummers &winter'sfreeze wrench on gaspedal keepingitfloored
tillshe gaveup her getup&going&all as strawdreams flewfaster thantheir strawman races
as coldrainsbegan inthat now fatefulfall. &your'dswear thereweresmiles ontheir buttoneyed faces.
........................................
First herlastfever &deliriousdream Hatchbackbristling with chainsaw twomauls
was her gasengined being runningonsteam oneweedeater threerakes twobald basketballs
then a steady unyielding lubricantleak one gasoilmix onecan of gasplain
makingeach metalmovement a frictionalcreak. &six pairsofgloves preventing blisterpain.
........................................
Finally nonmovement beyond a coast Oldcar sittingallfall beingcovered with leaves
asmy vaporboundturkey begantoroast. asmynext oldyoungusedcar lookedonsilently &grieved
No spryoungcolt no blackbeautybeast at a cohort incoma inits usefulsweetend
just an autoimmobile stillraintight atleast. a camouflagedmosaic in redyellowblackblend.
....................................
ExquisiteSelf
**Sissies** Exquisiteself worthyofmydefense
Leaving utilityroom stackingthen&when asif not mypyre
light on choosingtolive withoutlove in pastense.
certain tobeback
in a jiffy. Better usingsticks tobuild sharpspikedfence
impervious toallbut transform'sfire.
But a triptokitchen Exquisiteself worthyofmydefense.
across livingroom
is fraughtwithdestractions Principled beyondreach of penitence
needingtosweep or vacuum protected as allegation'sconspire. **Med**
mantle needingdusting Choosingtolive withoutlove in pastense. Enteringbathroom seekingmymed
picture needingleveling toinsure a goodsleep inmybed
(betteryet springchangeout) Better tolive mylife in brutelicense buthen needingtoshit
dogbed needingfluffing than pretend ourearthlyplay notsatire. search comingto a quit
not to mention Exquisiteself worthyofmydefense. relief of anotherkind instead.
pullingmuscle
trip&fall Myfreedom becoming a lifesentence
heartattack allmywants suckingme into quagmire.
or simplyforgetting Choosingtolive withoutlove in pastense.
whatIwasdoing
inthefirstplace. Livingmydreams asif at noexpense
memoriespreserving allmydesire.
Oldage isn'tforsissies. Exquisiteself worthyofmydefense
choosingtolive withoutlove in pastense.
TeeShirt Polyglot
Rainspatter squirt Being polyglot
on topographic teeshirt. while leadingconstruction
Scatteredhomestead design ofmyprivate TowerOfBabel.
withinforest of oakpine.
No plagerist me
Footless headless life'score defined combining atleast three
ripplingless to wishfulwandering of desire'swhine languages true&tried
content withintranform's gift ofthis inmytemple of self'spride.
complete withintranform's presentbliss.
Foolingmostothers
Fruit withmy song&dance
Fruitofknowledge butyou seeingthroughme
yieldingseeds of separation. witheach passing glance.
Fruitofthought Whatcan I do
yieldingseeds of self. to convinceyou I'mtrue
to something otherthan
Eatingfruit. Swallowingseeds. myself?
Sittingquietly digesting.
Retribution Giggle
Death as retribution Howstars mustgiggle
to those unfaithful watchingsapienswriggle
to desire. whilewarmed by an ember
from onortheirown.
Chilling
Price of selfconsciousness Stored heatlight sparkinglife
chilling then cellsuit's boldembarking
forcingaltuism on barely on voyage throughtransform's
willing nonbiblical arking
expectingself tobe suppressed withinfusion's infernalstorm.
by sapiens borntosurvive.
How otherstars mustenvy
MixedPieces watching sun'sjamboree
Mypuzzle wouldbesimple burninginlust with encapsuledstardust
if pieces athand allfit mypicture. enlighteningdarkening in bacchanalianfling
whilethey gotheirway in impotenthrust
Halfmybattle allmyfrustration lacking dervishdancing sapiens.
is discarding tempting halftruths.
Yet sun mustlament its energymisspent
SeaShells by sapiens failingveneration
Clamshells without. by living in perceivedseparation
Conchshells within. within each singularbreath.
Between Howstars mustgiggle
taut timpanis. (or perhaps shedatear
watchingsapiens wriggle
Howcan I remaindeaf inout of naturenurtur
to ceaseless oceansiren? living for God'sake
in a SuperNaturalfake
Perhaps because of world they continuallyremake.
drummingwithin
closerthan ocean **Oprah**
drowningout ocean Oprah's fullofwisdom
asif water hadlungs notfiber!
asif sapiens couldlisten
&hear. "Okra" yousay?
OK. Nevermind.
Stickingsnout insnow Northwind acrossdam
smellingsomething I don'tknow yetdog rolling in icesnow
fromher lupinepast. asif ther's noblow.
NeedingToTrain
Facingmyselfishness needingtotrain
intime my clingingself approachingstill
**FleaGarden** desiringless becomingmorehumane.
What'sallthis
I hearabout Sittingatpeace practicingtorefrain
peopleworking as from mylust. Eschewingsensualthrill.
the fleagarden Facingmyselfishness needingtotrain.
arguingover
termsofemploment Memory beingappetite'sdomain
& bickeringover mybrain chattereing like a whippoorwill. **Farts **
conditions&perks. Desiringless becomingmorehumane. Myfarts coming in series of four
sittingonshitter doingmychore
And it seemslike Sapeinbloodflow gangrene in eachvein everymeter wasright
only excons fauna'envy to flora'schlorophyll. &my rhymescheme wastight
arefighting Facingmyselfishness needingtotrain. imagine me asa troubadour!
forthejobs.
Lackinglifeternal beingmypain
"Pleasbargain" survivalost todeath's infernalchill.
yousay? Desiringless becomingmorehumane.
OK. Elementalbeing earthairfirerain
Nevermind. asif I couldtrumpet like daffodil.
Facingmyselfishness needingtotrain.
Desiringless becomingmorehumane.
Forced Siren
Forcedtodefend My preciouself lost with waningmoon.
till everpresent end. Trainedausterity dancingwithsol.
Would that thatmusic ofthe spheres had a tune
Feedingonfeelings that couldbeheard as siren toallselfish.
I canonlypretend.
Livingdeathless with fallenleaves
Fear seepingthroughseams oakcrown shaking at sol
I can nevermend. whose inconstsantheat causingwind
teasing sapienvanity with eachsubtlebreeze.
Unwrittenletters
that I neversend. Promise me revelation &secondchance.
Pleaseme asifchoice morethan pride'strance
Sorighteous sostiff &never leaveme in the broadexpanse
unableto bend. of myflaggingwill.
Onlyafter cleansingcry Indiansummer
can I wipe my memorydry feelingpressure to enjoy.
ofthedream I couldn'tescape Caught in memory.
asif itwas my phantomfate.
Memory
My enemy is memory
that clingingparasite fromthen
suckinglife fromnow forwhen
Roots in mudrutroad returningfour havingtaken ten. Monk slicingofftongue
corpuscallosum of woods presenting it to Master.
&ladder towardlake. Halfdigested experience Master accepting.
beingflushed into my crowdedhead
wherewhat wasthen was nevernow
&what wasliving isnow twicedead
dead whenfelt through senses
swimminginpast's bellyofchyme
dead whenknown in regurgitation
bits&pieces soakedintime.
Purginglife withinlife
Prehistoricbird by livinglife while lettingo Itsmydesiring
no Thanksgivingfeasting. being all&all in each raremoment raging kleptomaniac
Slim. Fast. Silent. surrenderingself notneeding toknow. keepingme in jail.
Resisting fat of carrion
lettinglie fact remainingslender
being one witheach eternalnow
noneed tofeed or to remember.
Gargoyles Rest
Gargoyles. Flaming stainedglass. Rest earth'sheavens in whisper'sprayer
Flyingbuttresses heavenboundspires. inmy silentgliding powereredsugarway
Rochets Biretta cottoncandy foreach fourteenhourday
Mantellatas Tririnos. of I movingearth with mywillalone.
Faith belief mysticism. Rest earth'sheavens shoutingstill
Spirit grace stigmata. stopfeeding I icingbeing myfattyfill
of devil'sfoodglut &dietpill
Infused contemplation. startnow toslow mydesire'sdream.
Fullyauthentic palpableinitiative.
Ecstaticrapture. Heart'sexperience. Rest lettingmesee my facelessface
Hiddenabyss. Divinization. dulledinshrouded endfullchase
............................... becomingmydream of cake&pie
Twohour practices with sixassistants. then myburp then mysigh.
Drillupondrill from master'sbooks.
Rest enjoying my blurringscene
Airconditioned gym. Waterbottleswaiting. when self'sdwarf is dwarfedbydream
Bright evenlighting. Lacquered woodenfloor. awakeningtopeaches without heavycream
appetitesbecoming memory'scry.
Coachingclinics as monasticretreats.
Filmsessions as scipturestudy. Rest lettingself'sdesire decay
Chalktalks as highmass. teeth becomingbody's motheaten lace
..................... with silencegeing myfinalsay
Shirts&skins on sandyasphalt before whippedcreampiesmack
beneath simmeringsummersun inmy falseface.
with batterednet & baldingball.
Rest you'vepassed your testlesstest
Norefs. Noclock. Nofouls. movingbeyond your fatfatterfest
Breakneckfastbreak windaidedswishes. withpastry under housearrest
Bonejarringscreens. Primalscreams. slimmingdown to betterbuffer
transform'sgrandbuffet.
First to fifteen winbytwo
if losing hopingtobe one ofthefew
pickedbytheguy with nextgame. Pineneedles thawing.
Crystal chandelierdroplets
Books as artifacts. above deepockedsnow.
Libraries as museums.
Our internet age. LOVE
LifeOfVenerableExquisiteness
as natural elementalbeing
LosingOneself in VotiveEmptiness.
**TeeterTotter** Divinity inits elusiveness **RummageRunners**
Teetertotter? becomingabstract begging&pleading Saturdaymorning rummagerunning
Tettertotter?! never venerablexquisiteness. halfhourearly to mostclutteredsite first.
You're using a
teetertotter Duality inits expliciteness Then onto others in determinedcalmflight
as a metaphor alltooften needingrefereeing battling for bestoftherest in brutaltest
forwhat findingoneself in virtualfullness. tooften becomingimpolite.
teenageangst?
Simplebeing's subtleffectiveness Buying preowned bads&goods
Try BumperCars thisnowseeing alltenses agreeing beinganything but forthright
at least LifeOfVenerableExquisiteness slakingthirst of bargainfight
or betteryet whilegorging consumerappetite
the TeaCups. Stardust&gravity expressionless sans mall or Amazon.
becomingearthmother sowingreapin
LosingOneself in VotiveEmptiness.
Eatingsleepingbrathing in endlessness
traingintolesself as guaranteeing
LifeOfVenerableExquisiteness
LosingOneself in VotiveEmptiness.
Magicians PrayerAsEgg
We're magicians eachone ofus (Thanks Rumi.)
creating elaborateillusions If prayerbe egg then shell is myself
carefullynonconscious ofthe memories needingtobe cracked&discarded.
serving oursense of self.
If prayerbe egg thenalbumin is thenwhen
(Myfatherdamned by faintpraise. with myunwilllingness toembrace mylife
Hisfailings becomingmy needingtobeconsumed as nutrientfor mygrowth.
subtleflailings.)
If prayerbe egg thenyolk is ElementalBeing
We're alchemists eachone ofus as embryonicfreeing from desire&defense
turningwine towater from thenwhen &presentense
brimstone to charcoalbriquets tobecome lifedeath ineach eternalbreath
for heatingourcauldron of desires ofmy dimisnishingself.
buringdown ourdreams in backyardfires
to bitesizedchunks of time&place If prayerbe egg embracepreparation
perfectforhurling at thosewhoembrace as omelet of lesseparation
withoutevertouching. filledwithemptiness from transform'sgyre
cookingwith heat of myeverydesire
(Mymother damnedbyduty burningcompletely
being a trickle inthevalley into earthairwaterfire.
ofmy parchedbeing.)
Silentfallingsnow. Snowmelt's distantrush
Gentlyspattering rainfall. throughforest'sfresh greenbrownhush.
Raucousriverflow. FaceIt Seasonalstreaming
Faceitfirst &faceit withoutremorse
yourcellsuit willslough without your askedsay
&transformwilloccur inits good duecourse
whether youdo or youdon't wishtopay.
So cryonce in payment longoverdo
then lightenedofyourload dancewithlightheart
being a being ofthe veryfew
whosaw throughtears thereisno stoporstart.
Stormpast now skyfast Flat white valleybarge
stillgrey after winterblast. As suncycles&seasons reappear floating blackmountain to sea
Lawn strewnwithdebris. don'tbefooled by seeminglife beyondcell tillthaw green &free.
clutching meaningpurpose againstyourfear
or faithope into desire'slivinghell.
Loseyourface in meadowpond ripplingstill
becomingreflection of allbutwill.
**MennoniteSaying**
Choose anytwo ofthefollowing todescribe thejob youwantdone:
Fast Good Cheap
A Goodjob done doneCheap willnot beFast.
A Cheapjob doneFast willnot beGood.
A Goodjob doneFast willnot beCheap.
Oldrabbit munching Thunderlightning gone unafraid of Grayhairs. Substituting nothingleft but mistyblack
Youngrabbit bolting. Painless for Fast Selfless for Good Shallow for Cheap
wehave thefollowing contraindicators withrespecto Enlightenment:
A Selfless&Painless Enlightenment willbe Shallow.
A Selfless&shallowEnlightenment willbe Painless.
A Painless&ShallowEnlightenment willbe Selfless.
Whoops thatcan'tberight. Those wild&crazyMennonites!
Makethat
A Painless&Shallowenlightenment willnotbe Selfless.
or
A Painifull&Deepenlightenment willbe Selfless.
That'sbetter.
(Iguess youcan'trust Mennonites
or
contrivedparallelconstructions.)
#############
Afterbitterhike Snowparachuting Windwispclouds on ice
frozenpoems nowthawing ontolimbs&pineneedles lake&sky eachlivingtwice.
flowingintorhyme. Most landingsafely. Wintermimicry.
Carousel
Hoveskickinghigh nostrilsflared&snorting Survivingmysuicide orso I hadthought
ridingbeast inrace tomydeath now watchinghorseswhirring in stunnedwonderment
holdingdear tosteed in breakneckgallop asking whenwhyhow Ihadstared toride
exhilirated by hisimagined tremuousbreath. neverever havingbeengiven a glint of a hint.
In heartpoundingwhir allscenery a blur Answer beingsimple answer beingclear
competitor'sfocus becomingclear I wasborn onthatride neverknowing lessormore.
myrace is thething eachrider a king Who couldquestion power&speed of mylife
yetknowing inpassing onlythatwhich isnear. whenboth I &myhorse wereconvinced theycouldsoar?
Notgaining notlosing allseemingsame Standingincompany yetalwaysalone
riderdismounting learningindismay watchingcarousel circlinginvain
thathorse is inaction ingallop unmoving confidenceshattering myself badlyshaken
that I horse allriders are endlessdisplay feeling an unfeeling emptyingpain.
inthispark onthatplatform neveranywherelse Lookingforpartners towhare in mypuzzle
mere circling aimlessly an unmerrygoround findingonly oldhorses paintedgaze weatherewood
race toounreal butwith action'sappeal wheremyanswer wasimple butnot atalleasy
yetwitheach gallantleap neverleaving fauxground. knwoing&wanting toremount if I could.
.................................................
Pacingplatform firsthisway thenthat Approachingplatform whirlingsowildly
wondering howanyone couldenjoy shamegame. reaching notholding beingsent for a flip
Lightsmusicmotion butno purposefulmovement then trottingalonside halfspeed beforegrabbing
eachrider winnerloser inhisown raceforfame. beingdragged for a bit beforelosing mygrip.
Pacingplatform firsthatway thenthis soitcontinued a purposefultraining
each horseriderlearning theyshare samenoname. torun with lifereeling tillmatching itspeed.
Lightsmusicmotion butno purposefulmovement Soitcontinued tillpurpose refraining
eachrider whinerboozer inrace toplaceblame. tillrealizing spinninglife was nomore myneed.
............................................
Pacingplatform firsthatway thenthis Then miraclehappened of wasearned maybe fated
staringatwhir at edgeof myworld platform slowingdown or perhapsme speedingup
lackingcourage or faith havingboth in abundance I wasable to remount both platform&horse
I jump with noclue asto where I'llbehurled. mymerging beingradual or perhaps quiteabrupt.
.......................................
Leavingplatform alone into thinair Ridingagain withjoy beyondyouth
faithcouragefading feelingonlydespair beingone withnopurpose lights music &motionless
falling hitting rolling on groundunexpected with heartpoundingwhir scenerynever a blur
findingnoescape from mylife so unfair. atone withstillness inpure lesselfbliss.
MindEntersSelf Lesself - 1
(Thanks T.Roethke.) Body beingreality'slave
"Mind enter itself" sayspoet. wherereality is absolutely
"Mind has a self?" I ask. powerless.
unknowing onlytoowell the
enigma ambiguity paradox Self being memory'spuppet
impossibility wishingitwere a boy.
&oxymoronicnonsense
ofsuch an utterance. Lesself as reality'slover
beingbothfickle&fated.
But whereSantas&Saviors @@@@@@
bothexist Lesself - 2
what's a sapien todo Self trulybelieving
tetheredtothought it canlove anyallother
&tolanguage too pretending whilebeing
withthorns of demonthen lostinthought.
prickingreality's gossamerveil
&angelicwings of when Body feelingself
shroudingtransform's hapticBraille? expandingdistance
betweenbeyond
Better perhaps self fathermotherisisterbrother.
as naturenurture's lovechild
having a mind. Whatspecies of being
becoming soconfused soconflicted
Or betteryet self with simplybeing thisnow?
creatingmind makingpossible
Santas&Saviors Lesself trainingtorestrain
gods&afterlives self
Imy immortalsoul. within transform'sgyre.
Mind enteringmind TiesThatBind
creating mindfulmagic Desire&fear combining as hate
lifewithoutbreath contracting asto isolate
lifewithoutdeath lettingo all tiesthatbind
butterfly&flfower creatingsapiens born deaf&blind
want will power to survivor'sguilt
rootstem thumbtongue being one&only fornever.
brutishgentle agedyoung
springpallet eye'sremorse Forgetting&forgiving combining in training
winter'sbite toe'srecourse expandingwithin eternaltransform
to gangrene's becomingties entirelyentwined
necroticblack as lesseparation in thisnow's storm.
ineachseason of givingback
fromwhat towhom Self
fromwomb totomb Self threatenedbysensing
in thoughtlesswoon closingborders to immigrantnotions
beneathfullight fullmoon lovesuffering from inbreedingsuppression.
"mind" as self's
clumsy buffoon.
IfBuddha
Twoyears from today anytoday Thus the mainsubject is noneotherthan I myself
eachbeing a spatialtemporal morioxen itself in a universeofobjective selfunconciousness
the UniversityOfAbsurdToSublime where dessert is glimpsing a play or pastparade
hasiswill establish a newdepartment alledgedlysymbolizing incohernece to others
for life's oldestruths. coauthored by soul&subject &actedout by
our threesuitedmidget
Unable to assimilate I
roundearth other
earthorbiting & allatonce
germ as disease in a course meeting everymoment.
sapiens as animals
agingbeing arterioscelorsis ProfessorSiddhartha watching with his thirdeye
of creativity guidingus with his thesaurus of stillness
&calcification each mindwanderer becominglost
of opinion in a mirroredworld of thought'secondreflection
howcould slanteyed pseudoslaves &lost moreprofoundly in the landofblindbeing
of ironhorse&laundry fame a chosenpath using one'shead to knock at
servefood to tables clutteredwith our gatelessgate of exhaustion
knives&forks? throughwhich rest maybe earned
................................... afterglimpsing withmind's myopic perfect vision
Twoyears fromtoday (this today) anemptiness now nonunderstood tobe respite
DaVinci is designing interactivegames from defenseofself.
Shakespeare is makingmovies ..........................
Bach is synthisizing newagefusion Then a secondwind overwhelming eachsense
&TheChurch is still a stillborn unbeing. &allthat madesense
beginningmytraining
But ourtable mustfirst becleared (whatkind of course isthis
of its clutterofcutlery all roadwork &nosnacks)
&reheated leftovers of feastslongpast where a passingrade is passingfrom
when gamewasabundant &killing yourlife todeath
was easytodigest ofall youthought
before fingerlicking souldfood canbeserved. wasmorethanthought
......................................... of allyouloved
Eatingbrain of mind of allasnotime butwasonly self
Siddhartha wouldchair the alacart department a passinginto utteroblivion.
of finedining&fancydancing
being fullestexpression of Andall for fivecredits
flavor nourishment &rhythm. (thisbeing a labcourse)
noneofwhichcount
Being morethan philosophy but lessthan physics towardgraduation.
the newsubdivision of allis excepted [sic] ##################
(whereproof needn'tbetruth noreven fact
nor anypart of sapien anatomyphysiology)
is our earthen barelyclearedsuburb Neither stick nor ball
of Yesterday'sSanity where sanityisvanity yetpuppy runningfullwild
&the ancientmodern cityofnogod(s) unfetterd by thought.
isruledby a sittingsavior &iscalled
PsychologyOfSelf.
...................
**Emptying**
Emptying my fabledsoul But the emptying I'm emptying mycraw about
attempting tomake allbeingwhole. in preciousfullness of self'sindignation
Couldtherbe a morenoble quest? is emptying auto dishwasherdryer
Couldmylesself be anymoreblessed? apparently neverdone to fulldehydration.
An emptymind an emptiedmind Bottom of cups&saucers&bowls
however empty&emptied defined being tinyponds on washwaterparole.
will oneorboth lead to truemptiness Touched spilling on dutiful platesbelow
as mindlessbliss from an angelkiss. or on silverware fulldried in oncespotless glow.
(Oris allthis merelylanguage
easytodismiss?) But farworse is Tupperware's loveofwet
masterpacker but eternallyundrying coquette.
Somany emptyings solittle time Hydrophilic sonsofbitches
(unless you firstempty needing towel drying morethan cups&dishes.
the concept of time
makingmynonbeing So I workaroundthem dryingthemlast
beyond ticktockrhyme). thembeing of special Brahmancaste swabbing both inside&outside atonce
Failingthat letsgoferal tothemat savingme fromlater droplet witchunts.
to battlefields of domesticombat.
Don'tstarme ontheimpossiblynarrow grooovedtops
There'semptying overflowing unmatchedsock drawer needing knifeforcedtowel pushing tinystreams
pairing old&new somepairing nevermore. that neverabsorb &need tobepoured
whilebanging damnplastic tilldry be restored.
There'semptying my overstuffed medicinecabinet
of longexpiredrugs whoseuse I'dregret. All&all vauntedemptying maynot be worththefuss
when the frustratingprocess compelsme to cuss.
########################
SpiderSelf Vacuum
Weavingmyweb of Dogs hate vacuumcleaners.
beautytruth Dogs love bacon.
compassionlove
inquiryknowldege Moreimportantly
faithmorality whoneeds a vacuumcleaner
watching whenIcan emptymyself
breeze&breath by pickingupdebris whileon myknee
sun&summer facetoface withmydog?
dew&sparkle
self&feeding CleanlinessGodliness shouldn'tevencount
on if I use a machine
memoryofmemories when I couldhaveused humility
dreamsofdreaming to cleanmycarpets.
dreamingofdreams
knowledgeofknowing Countingmycleanup as training
knowingofknowledge sittingboringselfless
faithinfaithfullness like a baboon removingticks fromkin
faithfullnesstofaith. being easierthan pickingscabs from myownskin.
Thenaddingeyes tilleight Then nextime a vacuumsalesman tries toget in
&legs tilleight I'll getdown onmyknees &showhim mysin.
asif Ihadeaten
an octave ofbeing Learning
becoming spidersinger Learningyourparents
as silkstrandslinger. wereunloving
&youcan neverknow
Butneverfeeding on emptyall intimacy
worldofnow never thenwhen of lesseparation
worldofthis never amen as love.
worldofstill never sin
worldwithout mebeing within. Howtoproceed with training
knowing unknowing
Myself alwaystarving is beyondmygrasp?
pridegloating
desirebloating Clearly
eyes goingblack letting go grasping
legs bendingback. &memory of infancy.
Withmy webofself What a joke
beingshreddedbyforces I make.
of storms itwas toosighted tosee
&muchtooimmobile to movefrom TheMan
initseffort toremain (BiffRose song.)
initseffort toretain "I make the separation real
security of so I can feel the pain
itown dearsilk. of my opinions."
Weblesswitless spiderdance Chilling
whirling inits spidertrance. Price of selfconsciousness chilling
forcingaltruism on barelywilling
Weblesswitless spiderstrong expectingself tobe suppressed
having neverever sung love's song. by sapiens borntosurvive.
Justify Asking
Makingexcuses for mymisery Myauntasking Remindedthat
rationalizing allmy evilacts (after hersister I'm missingsomething
justifying I infaceof allother mymother from my earlylessons
disguising myself in words&facts. died ) of whatloveis
if we'llever butwasn't.
Runningmylife from throatoscalp comeback
keeping myhaircut short&flat to Milwaukee Luckily
wagingwordwars spillingblackink to visit her. in trainingtolesself
gnawingonmyprey like a rabidrat. (&marrying into other)
My self I could barelyfeel
Then hearingwords of wordlessong bewildered myaunt's
feelingwhirl of joyfulldance &sad. separation.
joiningpulse invitingtrance
droppingmybook taking a chance Claim
Do I claim mycellsuit
that love's unfailing timelesspace fullofother as memory
isthere beyond my shadow'sface tobe my lesself?
consumingeach of mymoment'sins
spinningwhat'sleft in emptygrace Dare I claimreality
a chrysalis for mytransformation morelessthan
into lesself's trainedcreation. earth's gravitationalorbiting
forest's wellrootedbeing?
Leaf
Becomingleaf of winterwind'swill Do I believe myself
havingresisted fallrake &fallenstill. tobe my sacredbeing
skewered by time'sarrow
Holdingondry through sparklingsnowskies bound by causeffect
till mylesself atlast letsgo &flies. mired in desire
falsesuffering abounding
Attainment inmyworld of separation?
Amnesia dementia sensecence
or training Who couldclaim
eachall alternativeways of attaining tobeclose to lesself
dimming of self's light &still beable toclaim?
beginning of love's sight.
Congratulations Puzzling
I'm through. I'm quitting. Startingwithborder.
I've hithewall. There's no wayout. Doublehelix concertinawire
I can't climb over or tunnel under. surrounding fiveyears of nodefense.
I can't runaround or blast it asunder.
Searching for likecolors patterns.
I'm through. I'm quitting. Assemblingsections.
It hurtstoomuch to bangaway. Seekingsemblance.
Eachday getting longer&longer.
Discardingmemories
I'm bleeding&scared. however wellfitting
I don't wantodie. however comfortable.
"Congratulations" bellowed bellicosewall. Atlast becomingwhole.
(Am I suffering a concussion?) An unexpectedvision?
A vistation? A revelation?
"Congratulations" mellowed martyringwall.
(Isthis simply myconfusion?) Living withinwithout
what hasbeenwrought.
"Congratulations" wall continuedwailing Notatall what I thought.
"for pushing yourself toyour finalfail.
The numbness your unfeeling is thisnow Noclues within transform'smystery.
tooreal to try toremember." Nomemory within puzzle'shistory.
"Comeclose ifyoudare dispense with Icare ForTheDay
or continue backingoff in despair." Ah fortheday whenall I donot
is notdone in patienthopelessness.
I'm confused bleeding &scared.
I'm afraidofdying. Lest Ido foryou
whichmeans for myself
Canyou comfortme Wall inmytime of greatpain? & indoing
Canyou helpme reforemember pastfuture insane? hopeimpatiently.
Canyou drugme into guaranteed gain?
Tellme wherewhenhow &I'll notcomplain. Sacrifice
What mustbesacrificed
WallasWall. Silent. for love
for intimacy withinbeyond
Speaktome please damn mortar&brick thisfleetingnow? before all hope'sgone &mybreath.
............................ Certainlynot myfaith inGod.
Banginghead in utterdesperation Certainlynot myhope for forgiveness.
creating an utterance a nearlysilent vibration Certainlynot meaningpurpose
neither fromwall norfrom burningbush of myself's being.
neither a pull nor a push. Certainlynot aboveall mypromise
of lifeternal.
"Congratulations" from not here not there
not hesheit noteven I. Whatcan transform offer
"Congratulations" simplynow beyond
creating tumultuous silentsigh lesseparation ineach thisnow?
from ghosts whocry as mortalslie
inbeds of their ownmaking. Beyond
Of ghosts whocry when mortalsdie what's unknown as
without theirself forsaking. love?
"Congratulations for becoming undead Tapestry
unliving nevereally havingbeen. Warpspeed of
Congratulations for yourfinalact theosophy.
for embracing yourself's
conjoinedtwin as fact." Entwiningweft
of psychology.
Belief disappearing today&date.
Selfdisappearing toall love&hate. Asif I desired
Loved ones lamenting mysuicide a tapestry
me becoming stillbeing inwhich to illustrate
self can't abide. mylife.
Wall remaininguntouched by recent lostfaith Better collecting
a challenge forthoseclinging toself's privategoal. pieces of reality
Sofew persisting toearn lesself's prize &assemblingpuzzle
when givingup pride becoming morewhole. of wholeofme.
Wallremaining for those hopefulfew **Elevator **
unchallenged in their toosnugbeing. Elevatordoor accidentallyopenning
Few trainingalone throughself's privatpain to a couple in precoital semidress.
unknowing dive intodesperation's greatunseeing.
################# Interestinglycalm wouldbepassenger
quipping "Goingdown I assume?"
SymphonyToSong
Decomposingsymphony to simplesong Decomposingself from insideout
vultures tearingcarcass of right&wrong eatenalive by parasiticdoubt
transforming weak thenwhen to thisnow strong leaving mypride without enoughclout
death leavinglife to carrion. to survive memoragicfever.
Decomposingdung to nutrientfeast Decompose to recompose
eachcorpse becoming all fromleast no recompense from nature'sdebt
brief entropyincrease from lifedeceased lifedeath to transform never a threat
rebuilding being'swirl in dervishdance. lesselfbeing withoutregret.
NoDichotomy TwoVoices
Leftright updown In youth vehicle for reason.
goodevil smilefrown Seasoned surrogate for music.
rationpassion boundorfree
opposites attractive to intellect Always unknowing fiction of fact
sapeins inlove with dichotomy. aware of its power feeling its lack.
Semanticexplosion grammar intack
Realityillusion certaintyconfusion whileattacking imagination'sglamor.
thenwhen thisnow
supernatural elemental When&where&why&how
former alluring when wantingprotection failingnodetail of allbutnow.
later enduring when enjoyingconnection Truth belonging to faithofyouth
sapeins confused by self. reality forced on longintooth.
Sotoo beginningending Tellmestories of then&when
asin birthtodeath sing me a lullaby of neveragain.
destruction at worst
continuation at best Distracting
if dissolution withintransform Distractingme from mymemories.
can't slake self'sthrist. That'swhat you call love?
Aswith forgottenthen Precisely.
lost ineach thisnow Cuttingshort your mindwander
time losingmeaning your urgetoponder your needtoconjure.
sanswhen signalingend. Purging thenwhen's thoughtperfection
from thisnow's eternalconnection.
P.S. Clocks don'tfly
whenhaving a goodtime What'sleft thenwhen but an existentialhow
hands simply full of being without memory of me in eachnow?
thismoment's joy.
Precisely.
Becominglost as lesself as amnesiac
Listening tome in a world without whenwherewhy or how.
whilewalking inthecity. Neither thisnorthat neitherlean norfat
Neverhearingcar. within transform'still as Cheshirecat.
Abandoned
Abandoned by reason&passionboth. Eyes&mouthboth conveyingmeaning
Abandoning eachlayer suggestingsentience
of defense lostnow inmy touch&thrust
of rectitiude or in ourhands nevercontacting
of defilement. body's carnalwelcome beyond skindepth
feel flowingfromgospel
Givingover withoutreservation or from mygreed for herloss
to unwilling'swill. myjoy for myfind
till I tries to curlhertoes
Eyes as lessI combs
swirlingnebula her flailingfreebeing.
stilldefiant of gravity
sparkling for noone. I&lessIboth conspiring todismiss reason
releasing thatwhich isbound sotightly
Mouth to ritualeuphoria
mutemalestrom of unholyforces abandonedonly to deepercave
&whollydefiant fartherfrom lashofwave
surrenderingnothing inthiswar &tideless pool of perceivedperfection
of sanity&ectasy inaworld toocrowded for bothofus atonce
rhythmicontortions mouthingpassion'shame with I provider &you providence athand
of desire'sought heartshattering in pleasurepain
of desiresfulfilled. which Iasall canoffer canclaim
when I amlost inyour
All I Ask abandonedworld.
All I ask is tobeable
to recognizereality
ifit slips its sweetbeing PaperIce
pastmydefenses. Beingpaper onwhich poetskates
alphabetimagery of figureights.
ChalkDust
Chalkdust settling Shearingraphite's carbonmatrix
in lockeroom of mytraining. penciling paperplayground with self's magictricks
turningmemory into thisnow
Eachlesson forgot. illusory tourdeforce of suggestivehow.
Becomingunknowing.
Air&water growingaspulp.
Ultimate Earth&fire flowingasmineral.
Ultimate selfdefense Lipidproteinmembrane imprisoning sun
sunlighthrough stainedglass closingoffother creating justone.
songsinpraise of if&when.
Sculptingice into adoration
IfNot then meltingsame in heatofself
Ifnot belief toname toname &name &claim
what? knowledge forever beforeafter thisnow.
Thisnow is boring Poetskating semanticharade
notsuiting mydesires. pretendingsharing on flaming icerink
carving frozenbeing with carbonblade
Rememberingmypast a heart anarrow myinitials.
perfectly.
Dreamingmyfuture InMemorium
pleasantly. Would I have mydeath outliveme
ifnot in immortality atleast inmemoriam?
Thisnow is boring
notsuiting mydesires. Yetmemory beingseparation bydefinition
whatintimacy canoccur bystoring spentenergy
Belief toberesurrected bywill whenwilled
fillingthebill. whenwill iswanting desirefulfilled
&desirebeing my lonliestdream?
OnlyI Trapped
Only I definingother Trapped in thenwhen Discarding postcards
&life v. death tillyour dazzlingbeing snapshots snapchats.
&then &when distractingme from my Beingwithyou now
&nevernow wretchedmemories. beingmorethanenough.
&supernaturalseeing
insuring my eternalbeing.
I Began
Allthewhile allthesame Beginningwith
be it membrane or pitifulrain FatherSonHolySpirit.
of self'spathetictears into language'stalebeers
makingsensesdrunk duringreignofbrain Unknowingneed for fleshfamily.
creating ultimateisolation. Livinginpain.
Transform caringless of language Unknowing I washurting.
&evenless of lifedeath'sdwell Notseekingsolace.
defined beyondcell refined beyondknell
of punctuatingtime &capitalpride. Years later
learning scartissue
Transform as runonsentence isn't my birthdaysuit.
of lifedeath freedfrom thenwhen&need
being mountainsea cellularseed Palette
blossoming as one identical all. Can I mustercourage
to surrendermyself
Profound to transform'spalette?
Anythinglessthan
profoundhopelessness Can I let lifedeath
denyingmyself fingerpaint an eternalmoment
giftofdesperation. withoutme?
Sansdesperation (I can'tbefooled bylove
slimchance or indifference.)
of
mendingseparation Nofool or fooling withmy
& preciouself.
becomingstill
as eternaltransform. Synapticincest as flesh'soutcast
smotheringsensing with
Returning colors ofmy unchoosing.
Rabbit returningas carrot.
Bird returningas feather. Dripbydrip peeing.
Worm returningas soil. Oh fortheday ofmydeathray
lazering TP.
Self neverleaving then.
NowStinks II EachInstant
Now notwhat I want tobe. Eachinstant moreorless
Now neitherdream normemory. existentialthreat to myself
Now intrudingonphilosphy. cavebear
Now bindingself thatwould befree. corporateboss
cellularlust.
Then comfort of forgetting.
Then perfection as patchworkquilt. I must
Then perfectheology. forseebear
Then self'scastle perfectlybuilt. forbearboss
forgolust
When willbe bestof all. if I amtosurvive
When whenself neednotkneel. withmypride
When idea atonewith ideal. intact.
When what I think ishow I'llfeel.
CurvedArrow
Until brutebarbarian now Wearing curved arrowoftime
erasingthen with remembrancetrue undermyhat
makingwhen a brokenvow asif itsgonethrough myhead.
with reality'sbeing breakingthrough.
Cheap partygoof? Enigmatictruth
Dreamories fullof foreboding&dread?
Dreams sanctified as
futureperfect. EyeTest
Taking eyetest with I in ascension
Memories sanitized as linguisticanamolies as grammaticdeclension
perfectpast. where eatingmenu is countedcaloric
&self'sjudgment is felteuphoric.
Self proclaimed Sapien
byself in disguise Quiz
beingneither this Amnesia. Dementia.
nor now. Senescence. SupremeTraining.
Better HomoSolipsis Whatdotheyall haveincommon?
livingindreamories
seekingboth bliss
&Thou.
SixthSense
Sensing sans externalinput. Flourishing becauseofmemory.
Mypast intrudingoneach thisnow. Now flirting with insanity.
Acting within memory'svacuum. Eatinglegs I'vedrawn
Slavetothat sixthsense. onmy serpentinebeing
till eachofthem
Knowing I'm dealingwith digested &passed.
an undisciplinedemon
of compelling&indefatigable Sittingquielty.
selfrighteousness Tedious&boring.
which I must train tostill itsdemands. Seeminglyunproductive.
Absolutelynecessary.
Sex drugs rock&roll?
Temporary&unhealthy. Sixthsense needingdiscipline.
FreeChoice
Lacking perceivedfreedom Butwedon't want topay Therefore truefreedom beingno landofdream
thereisno receivedchoice &pay&pay (where I lives
no this&that forthewrong toplay in peaches&cream)
no titfortat &play&play but simply thisnow choiceless&boistrous
no cat&rat mygame of capturetheflag certainly RollsRoyceless
no leanorfat ofmy unfurledself being expansive inclusive &lucid
just thisnow without pledgingallegiance lightfromwithin by lesself as less sin
whenorhow tothe unitedstate ofmybidding as lessons in lesseparation
doesmycow jumpover when letsfaceit who's kidding where perceivedparts tear
yourmoon? weallive inthe landofthefree unknowinghearts topieces
&home ofthe bereaved tillselfceases tobe a chooser
Thinkingfreedom believing against all living as doomedloser
whenweonly want to feedon malevolence tothecontrary with sin death &thepower oflove
allother tosate mydesires. thatheworld ismine vestedinme tomakeyou one
&theonlychoice is myvoice in profane inseparable patrimony.
singingmymournfulsong.
MuscleMouth NoBorder
Sapiens eatingeachother withwords Thereis noborder
tongue being intellect'steeth tomy jugsawpuzzle life
idea being brains'domain allpieces appearing
belief being self'srefrain. identical.
Autobiographicmemory Howcan I construct
dulled during cacophony of other's cant. pictureofme
Would thatmymemory be wellmuscled expecting it tofit
&tongue muscledtoo torepel other'srant. yourframe?
Cerebralorigin to cerebellarforaging Collecting likecolors.
preparingtomake a mealofother. Searching for knownobjects.
Would thatmywill can outlast yourshrill Assembling patchworkquilt.
&I neverneed to mincemymeat. Thentrying tomakesenseof
what I'vebuilt.
Trainedthus todefend to selfishend ................
allthat I love as Imemine Border
separationgrowing withme unknowing Searching for borderpieces
need for wellpracticed slowing. ofmy jugsawpuzzle life
eachpiece uniquelyidentical.
Perhaps intransform's stillrippling notime
I cantrain mymouth tomake a rhyme Myborder mynature mynurture
&sing a song as compassion'splea my privatelimitations
insteadofprotecting memoriesofme. fromwhich I cannotwander.
Memory Collecting likecolors.
Memory Searching for knownobjects.
reality's thirdraft Assembling patchworkquilt.
self insinuatingwish Thentrying to makesenseof
self insertingwant whatI'vebuilt.
then becoming perfectwhen
assuagingdesire'sdemand Border sacrosanct
for defenseagainst allother. within transform'swhim
........... shapesize creatingorder
Perception ifonly I willnot.
Perception
reality's secondraft Noticing
memory matchingthen Memeory beingmy blacksuit&tie.
memory attachingwhen Somber dressup for yourfuneral.
attempting tosurvive trialbyfire
in a world of manageablevariables Noticing uninvitedsquirrel
if&onlyif managingdesire. being yourlife throughme.
Afterfetchingsticks
dashingtothelake for cool
thenback to ourgame.
Toocold for oders Pup tiredfromplaying
yet ourpup has hersnout up lappingclear mudrutwater
whilecruising densewoods. thenback tothewoods.
Kickingourpup'sball Onlything in woods Sittingintallweeds
then tryingtokick herstick. notstill or waiftedbyspringbreeze enjoyinglatesummerwild.
Better stickwithball. ourdog'stail dancing. Whistlingforourdog.
Heatpump startingup. BoundingthroughMarchstream Cutcornfield sostill. Redtongue. Sharpwhiteteeth.
Dog trotting headown toduct frontpaws whitebubblebooties Ourlab boundingthroughit Lickingblackshoulder&leg.
tonap onthecool. splashingshallowcold. eachstub sproutingwings. Knawingonpinkpaw.
Withneighbor's talldog Pup'sconstantkissing Duringpuppyromp
ourpuppy needingtojump causingneighbordogtobark. meadowplaysJackInTheBox
to giveher a kiss. Pup fallingbackward. withpuppypouncing.
"Mountainlion" pup Threekids &ourpup
caught in moonshadow striping whirlingaround sandbox swing.
becomingtiger. They'llsleeptightonight.
Dragging dead dog
fromkennel deepintowoods.
Buryinginleaves.
Splashing
Chocolatelabsplashing toward brownstickslashing Again&again sameslashingstick
through springbreeze to springfreeze of downstreamreaming tillproblem challenge (or merely a trick"?)
through lowsunbeaming on surfacebrightpatching tossing rock to splashard butsink
with lowaterlaughing at ankeldeepfetching. testingifpuppy reallycouldthink.
Darklightboth toboth highlowseeing Off shewent in downstreamunknowing
while lowater stonesmashing in disruptivemight tillpuzzled inpassing with nostickshowing.
makingstreams'preening a frothsplashdreaming Boundingbackupstream to spotofstone entry
a stardancing waterfire shatteredmirrorsight. standing neckswiveling asif a sentry.
So howcouldpup of sixmonths browntoboot Thenplunging snout face head
follow madtumblingstick mostlyroot intowater's clearflowing wintercold
attemptingretrieve as eternity'sreprieve searchingstreambed by herinstinct's lead
from stick'sdestiny fardown our rootbeerhue river? determined to fetch finding stonetohold.
But young as shewas that flowmotionwhiz Headreappearing trophy ingrip
choosingherangle avoidingbank falldowntangle prancingtowardshore withhardly a drip
calculating vectors&velocitys a collegephysic'squiz soproud ofher nearlyimmaculatefind
by wadingdownstream avoidingriver'swrangle becomingatonce our oneofakind
thusbeginning herwean thus continuing loveaffair
from impetuouspup with imperiouspup
to bonafide fieldtrial queen. of implacableflare.
............................
Campfire Caged
[1] Belief beingbasic to self'sdefense Parakeet caged nevertosing
trappedforever in futuretense. or mimicspeech with irreverentbabble.
Stokingcampfire for longnight'sburn Yellowingwords on brokenwing
while quietlysinging its plaintivenocturne. whilemocking Bible's infamousBabel.
[2] FaithHope fornicating Peacock bound fearing flagrantdisplay
justbeyond campfire's warmth&light. wouldembarrass righteouspenitents.
Unheeding omen of smoldering birthplace Penitentsworshipping lessrisque hens
desiringtsire God's preciousgrace feathered in bleachedpropriety.
as babeholdingtight in fearfulembrace.
Hawk talons trimmed thus no
[3] PurposeMeaning both careening bloodofprey causing arterialspray
in passion's miscreantpreening. causingcrimsontrail acrossmy
Justbeyond campfire'strace starchedwhiteshirt.
desiringtosire perfect thenwhen
within ticktocktime's futilechase Flagrantnatureintruding
to catchtransform in endlessrace. onmy immaculateconception
ofwhatreality coulbe ifmyfaith
[4] Forgiveness tryingtoforget wouldmatch myimagination.
eachperceivedslight toits
preciousknowing. TwoThings
Goodness learningtoregret Twothingsonly
its righteousindignation. hungerforlife
thirstforlove.
Eachallhuddled by campfireglowing
Eachallsuffering from separationgrowing. Not toeat but tobe eaten.
Not tolove but tobedonsumed.
Thus sevensymptoms of self failingfelicity
becomingdrunk on blatantduplicity.
AwesomeNighfall MatchingMemories
(Thanks Saigyo.) A. Emotionalmemory 1. Pleasedon't.
Dryleaves scattering. Darknessofdeath B. Falsememory 2. Perhaps.
being daylightofnight C. Musclememory 3. Whatif?
With dimmingsun inworld of transformation D. Trainedmemory 4. Yes sir.
fear&alertstillness. unknowingeachface E. Mistakenmemory 5. Ifwhat?
Squirrel justsquirrel. in memoryonly.
Myheartpounding
squirrel. Moon as mysadness. ProofOfLife
Moon as myjoy. Proofoflife of my hardearned lesself
Allroadsdisappearing. Verysamemoon hidden skulldeep in memory'skeep
Undergrowth flattenedstill inlake ofmywomb. is dirt beneath my fingenails.
beneath gentlewhite. ...........
Do I dare setfoot outside I beingdew Who or what wouldkidnap myremains
withall I love hiding? &dewagain. picked carrionclean by jealouspenitnents?
Lifedeath aseach thisnow
Oncehere yesterday neverthen neverwhen. What ransom willbedemanded
remaining in yesterday toshade shadow of my gauntself?
with sorrow&song Night lightofdarkness.
neveragain tolong Death lightas starkness Perhapsdigging barehanded ungloved
for seasons of of blazing emptiedsun ingarden of obesiance to faithmeaninghope
eternalrebirth within nowill beingdone. I canunknow proofoflife as proof of thisorthat life
mountainsoftime &stopaying for sterilefertilizer.
valleysofdeath.
.............
Sacrificing
Patriot sacrificing life for freedom.
Pacifist sacrificing freedom for peace.
Ignorant sacrificing knowledge for bliss.
Educated sacrificing bliss for reality.
Self sacrificing thisnow for thenwhen.
Lesself sacrifcing thenwhen for transform.
Faithful sacrificing love for eternalife.
Trained sacrificing eternalife for love.
Dish
Needingdish of bellysize Washingdishesilently
that'llnestle inmylap justright aftersupper near endofday
holdingmyburger &myfries soapsudstreaming during lukewarmrinse
feeding my everyappetite. drips gleamningbright ineach dusksun'sray.
Remote to world within arm'sreach Hunting through softsudsyfroth
learningallthings TV canteach. for knife&fork spatual spoon
Fedbydish fedbysateliites silentdishesyeilding to silverwaresinging
feedingmydesire for sounds&sight. makingmykitchen a chiming room.
.............................
Needing dish of philosophicdepth Filing eachdish for finaldrying
stretchingthrough theologictime by springscreenair breathingin eachdrop
feeding insatiablemonster self breathingout floweredfragrance of gardentour
seekinglife'srhythm &itsrhyme. blending indoorsout frombottom totop.
Nobeggar'sbowl for dailyrounds Hushedhandling of eachdish onelastime
of root&rice&ridicule nowclean&dry with squeakyfeel.
I'll own a palace amidst lushground Stackingincupboard silently
nevereverbeing localfool. ready for tomorrow'smeal.
Mounting metaphoricdish Emptycleandishes clearemptiedself
scaningbeing of desire's I-ing appetitesfed by softsong gentleray
hearinglife'secrets allbut mywish of settingsun on kitchenwindowshelf
each whisperlost each messagedying. ineach hushedbreath ofeach silentday.
............................
Dealing Remnants
DealingwithDescartes Erasureremnants
UndeifyingTao. from my multiple futileattempts
Feelinglike I'm to obliterate
halfwayhome. mydemanding self.
Intransigent Hope beingresistant to allefforts to erase
Reality tearingmyflesh as I try to deface
so intransigent eachtrace ofmy overweeningdesire.
so indifferent.
Faith beingresistant to allefforts to erase
I tooften choosingbelief wearingmywil as I eschewgrace
lowesthanging fruit withmy overpoweringdefense.
in being'sjungle
densefoliage Might erasureremnants
protectingme coalesce sans remembrance
from sunlight. ofstuffof Imemine
fusinginto pristinesentience
Other thatmy newbeing mightemerge
so demanding to liveaslove
so needy with
so righteous lessdesire&lessdefense.
so contrary
so judgmental. Dishshaped birdfeeder
justright for one curledsquirrel
I tooften choosingsolitude. or two giantcrows.
Wallowing ForgetMe
Proud of my longsit. When my cellsuit transform
But itwaseasy whatwith please forgetme.
1. lastnight's badbeats at poker
2. Tuesday's battle with Clingingtomemory
heartlesscompany refusing willnever setyoufree
refund for my 103yearold aunt tohonor my lesself
havingbought what shecouldn'tuse lesselfishly.
3. mybasketballteam notmaking finalfour
because of lastshot rimmingout Inlife I was nevermorethan
4. dreaming of fournewrecruits brimmingover with desir'song
for nextyear's team. even whiletraining so hard&long
to stillness.
Stuck inall thatmud
my piggyself canwallow Let eachleaf se sweptbystream
longinto thisnight. to sink&decay becoming whatitseemed
neverheld in lifebreath'sclutch
Thief but eternalall in stardustbeam.
Thiefoflove is sleepingwithme againtonight
suckingmybeing with her pleasuremouth Please don't sketchme
tonguing my self with promiseofpride. on your cleanslate of being.
The ash you use is refuse
"Succumb to bliss" shewhispers of the freeing of my ohsofilthy combustion.
as we thrashtogether in desire'sdilemma.
Rather save that smolderingcharcoal
"Succumb tomysong" shesings scattering glowingash in streamingtransform
whilewedance enveloped in her angelicwings. being flagrantdisplay of what my strugglingself
neverbecame but alwaysways.
Swallowingday preservingpassion'sblindness
continuing her siren'searching Honormyrelease from my illfitting cellsuit
till findingmysafe Relax you selfishlove tosee thatwhich
where I lockmylove wasonly disguised asme.
till givingup combination
in raggedmoans of fulfillment. By yourelease your finalforgetting
the best of whatwas oncebound by I am
Soon she'llbe throughwithme willalwaysbe withinout you whoisfretting
&I'll awaken to herlie &you whoisyou onlyclinging
of life of uncountabledesires when less I &lessyou eachall shouldbesinging
with sandfleas horseflies chiggers&bedbugs allowing both&none to livedie asone
feedingonjy thickenedthinning skin in unknowing emptyove.
anyallother unfelt inour succubus sin. ...............................
Being as lover
Shall I inviteheragain to helpme sleepsoundly not a lover of being.
in pseudosilence of whitenoise of self? Eatingthisbread now.
I ShallNotDie
"I shallnotdie" self's desperatecry
whilefacing transform'sreality. Rising&setting
onboth Monday&Friday
**Cord** "My I shallnotpass" saidmyhourglass asif eachother.
Youhave noidea whilespilling mybeing thinkingselfree
what itslike of risingtides&breakingwaves Morning of a week
tobe defined of transform's candleless birthdaycake or thismorning of thisweek
bythelength of blowingwinds decayingflowers or just thisnewday?
of yourcord. of memory'smaze &love'sheartache
longbeforeseed hasits say
I usedtomix with day&night in endless sway
oil&gas &death topay in death'sballet
&blow myleaves appearingso to allthose fearing
in a foulair with earthairfirewater merelymirroring Gentle east rippling
cacophony. my fairytail bedtimestory of me waifting pondscent to shadow
for me to breathetwice.
Nowretired while lesself lives in elementalbliss
&only halftheman eating birthlesscake topped with eternalkiss
I usedtobe of nonperfection for heavenless sake. Ripplingscents lead dog.
I'mshrunk to ................................... Ripplingupdrafts carryhawk.
usingelectricity "I shallnotdie" self's desperatecry Ripplingsounds soothe me.
dragging orange whilelost indesire's immense labyrinth.
powersnake
behindme. "My I shallnotpass" said greengrowingrass Ripples rings &wake
beingmowed to rake&dry breezestickpup creatingpeace
Myleaves nowpiled tobefed to brain'sflesh across pondsurface.
in semicircular ridges in flagrantflirtation
defined by extension withwhat it thinks it is
of my (en)compassingpower. whileconstantly daydreaming
tooften nightscreaming
Now I'mforced tocollect before stitchingseams
with oldtimey leaf fork of whatself thoughtwo Noseeum sunset.
scooping stuffing hauling but lesself knew Randomotion in a ball
dumpinginto immenseball wasme alone bright&dark &all.
in unsoldlot adjacent tomine. in a world of love.
TV
Eachday eachweek eachmonth eachyear Havingbeen my daytime dramastar
myold TV losing some signalstrength. before myfinal fatalfade
Daytimedramas slowlyshrinking havingbeen writer producer director all
thoughprograms neverchanginglength. havingchoosen quitewillfully eachperson I hadplayed
Actorsbecoming more&morefuzzy I am now nothing but a screenfulloflight
with dayweekmonthyear dragging by of littleinterest in a world of ratings
losinglines delineating less havingtrained tostill box of endlessnight
focusfailing withmysigh. havingtrained tostill actor &selfcenteredsatings.
Whatcoud a screen fullofnothing mean Now less I living in meaninglessflow
&whyamIfeeling a needtoscream? of transform througheach yearmonthweekday
Forsaken facing emptyingself &fromday to eachour to eachmoment unending
discoveirng that I wasonly a dream. becomingmirror of lesself's purestplay.
The I thatwasme gettingtoofaint tosee Now beingscreen onwhich othersappear
leavingvacuum fillingfast with my infantilefear thought to thosejudging simply blankwithgray
of fallingthroughtime pixelated toofine deadtodrama volumemute
forany or other tosee mytear. a simple softbackground on my indistinctway.
Lost withoutbang barleyheardwhimpering
with fuzzonscreen becoming ghostinmachine Face hands feet exposed
&all left of mylife I hadclutched sofirmly while winterwind ticklestoes.
infant of transform beginning selfwean. Only noone knows.
**ZEN** ** Hazmat**
Zenith of EnlightenedNothingness. Strawberrypreserves &stringcheese
Zenith of EntitledNarcissism. havinghad an orgy (or an Armageddon)
Zero. Empty. Nothing. atop three partlynibbled fourdayold
Zone of EtherealNegation. beersoaked pieces of anchoviepizza
ZigzagEntrance to Nothingness. in the frathouse fridge
ZanyEntrance to Nirvana. moldexperts &fungalbiochemists
ZealotEnteringNirvana. yieldingfloor (walls &ceiling
especially ceiling) to hazmat crew.
**PlowPeople**
SnowPeople meltingonlawn Insuing investigation ascertained
till they're allbutgone. that suchconcoctions had routinely beenused
as part of hazingrituals resulting in
PlowPeople standingtheirground classaction suit by fratmemer parents
later in season stillfound &subsequent shutdown of frat
wherepiles of snow werepushed complete with incineration of domecile.
fromstreet
creating psuedosapien sansfeet
headthoraxabdomen intact but dismembered ** HomeGrown**
having barelysurvived December I'mhearing somuch about
lining roadside in disarray "homegrownterrorists"
with meltfreezecrust insuringstay butbefore I getscared I needtoknow
till bootedpedestrians kickingpiles arethey organic freerange
stubbingtoes or worst
as SnowPeople lookon GMO?
with sagging coal smiles
while sloughing their carrotnose.
Mystical
A sufficientlysophisticated technology
appearingmagical to naiveobserver.
An efficientlytrained sapien
appearingmystical to onelivingwithin
memory'slanguagelabyrinth.
Faintprayers of petition unavailing.
Factitiousargument failing.
Sapien's singlepath to still entailing
rigorousintrospection.
Trainingbrain torealityof
nothingSuper or SupraNatural
simplymemory clingingto
desire&defense
enlisting both unreasonedfaith
& the ultrarational.
Needtostillself being
perfectly faithless
perversely irrational
absolutelynecessary.
IS THERE ROOM FOR ANYMORE ???? SU6/30/24
---MORE TO COME---
Create Your Own Website With Webador